I'm Just Sayin'

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If you're not sure what a mash-up (or "bastard pop") is and you have a lot of free time, go here.

(Thanks to Six Degrees Traveller Radio for the tip)

(What Would South Park Do?)





(Click Kenny to Find Out)

South Park: 9 seasons in and definitely NOT in a persistent vegetative state.


(Editor's Note: I just read that Terri Schiavo finally died. I mean no disrespect to her and her family with this post...well, maybe some of her family. Rest in Peace Terri.)

From American Family Voices:

Senate Majority Leader, and doctor, Bill Frist (R-TN) has the uncanny ability to diagnose patients by simply looking at a picture or a video. Some folks are concerned that he committed a bio-ethical violation, but we say, think of the opportunity!

Take a digital picture or video of your medical problem – tennis elbow, acne, runny nose, hemorrhoids, or whatever ails you – and send it to the doctor in charge of the US Senate and your health care.

Tell Dr. Frist you want him to diagnose it and get Congress to pass a law prescribing treatment.

Send us pictures or videos of your ailments and we'd be happy to pass along to the doctor himself. Please email us at afv@americanfamilyvoices.org, or mail them to us at Diagnose Me Dr. Frist! 888 16th Street, NW Suite 303, Washington, DC 20006.

Please visit our web page to sign our petition and diagnose Dr. Frist for yourself as grossly incompetent and downright unethical! Don't you have friends with ailments of their own: coughing, stuffy head or fever? Perhaps they live in a red state which just about guarantees no wait time for you in Dr. Frist's office. Let them know that the good doctor can diagnose, maybe even cure them too.

The drummer from 1980s Australian rock band Crowded House hanged himself in a park in southern Australia, an emergency services spokeswoman said Monday.

Paul Hester, 46, went missing on Friday. His body was found Saturday in a park near his home in the southern city of Melbourne...

What an incredibly sad way to go.

R.I.P. Paul: You were a great drummer in a great band.

(Click for more)

Something tells me the Big Guy would've been offended by this:



But apparently the Terri Schiavo Passion Groupies™ are equal opportunity offenders:



That's right: This protestor travelled all the way from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin to compare Woodside Hospice to Auschwitz. And guess who gets to be Hitler?

...so bloodsuckers like Tom DeLay won't be able to use you as a political tool.


From MetLife:

A living will is not a part of your will. It is a separate document that lets your family members know what type of care you do or don't want to receive should you become terminally ill or permanently unconscious. It becomes effective only when you cannot express your wishes yourself. If your state recognizes a power of attorney for health care, have one executed to authorize someone to act in accordance with your present intentions.

Discuss your wishes as reflected in your living will with family members, and be sure they have a signed copy.

And from Denver's ABC affiliate:

Choose someone who is designated to make healthcare decisions for you in the event you cannot make them yourself. This person is similar to the executor of a will. Pick someone you trust (like say, your husband?), who is forceful enough to stand up to healthcare providers or other family members (like say, your parents?) in the event of a dispute, and who is confident making decisions on your behalf and who you have confidence in (unlike say, Tom DeLay).

agingwithdignity.org might be a good place to start...

There are probably many people out there who are pretty confused by this whole Terri Schiavo case: Who should be responsible for her life? Her husband? Her family? The Lord Jesus Christ? The GOP?

And the reason people are confused is because of people like Tom ("What Scandals?") DeLay, who got all choked up on the House floor, lifted his eyes to the heavens and spoketh:

"Mr. Speaker, after 4 days of words, the best of them uttered in prayer, now comes the time for action. I say again, the legal and political issues may be complicated, but the moral ones are not. A young woman in Florida is being dehydrated and starved to death. For 58 long hours, her mouth has been parched and her hunger pangs have been throbbing. If we do not act, she will die of thirst. However helpless, Mr. Speaker, she is alive. She is still one of us. And this cannot stand. . . .Terri Schiavo has survived her Passion weekend, and she has not been forsaken. No more words, Mr. Speaker. She is waiting. The Members are here. The hour has come."

Thankfully, Roger Ailes (the good one) points out the obvious:

...Ms. Schiavo did not want to be kept alive under the circumstances she is now in. That fact was determined by a court, the determination was affirmed on appeal and all appeals contesting that determination were exhausted. The laws and procedures set forth by the State of Florida for determining such matters were all followed.

If some of you are still confused, Roger was kind enough to provide this link to The Terri Schiavo Information Page. Read it and, guaranteed, you'll be the "Legal-Eagle" hit of your next cocktail party.

The Associated Press today reported the findings of recent public opinion polls on the war in Iraq. The results, of course, completely contradict the recent presidential election results ("a majority of people are generally unhappy with President Bush's handling of Iraq; six in 10 think the president does not have a clear plan for bringing the Iraq situation to a successful conclusion; two-thirds say the level of casualties in Iraq has been unacceptable"), providing yet another thing that makes you go, "Hmmn...there's something awfully scwewy going on awound here." But, conspiracy theories aside, that's not what got me going after I read the article. Instead, it's this little tidbit towards the end:

A majority of people think Iraq aided al-Qaida before the war and had weapons of mass destruction — two opinions that have been widely debated.

Widely debated? By who? Fox News? Delusional Bush supporters? Judith Miller? Sorry, but the case closed on both of these red herrings a looooooooooooooong time ago. Yet, thanks to the AP, there's a whole bunch of people who can still live in their dream world. Sheesh.

Member #003 is an obvious choice because, without a doubt, he's the biggest asshole in the world:



Why choose this major leaguer now?

a) He's still breathing, and
b) He selected Paul Wolfowitz to head up and presumably destroy the World Bank.

Plus, when Bush was asked to list Wolfie's qualifications, here's what The Big Turd Sandwich had to say:

He's "a man of good experiences...He helped manage a large organization. World Bank is a large organization, the Pentagon is a large organization."

(Don't believe me? You can watch Bush's performance supporting Wolfowitz via this Daily Show Clip - Click on "Add Hawk" under "Headlines" after you get to the show link.)

So everybody, let's raise our heads up high, lift our voices and say together:

"What an asshole."

(For more about The Joey Nichols Club, go here and be sure to watch this:



And remember, please feel free to suggest future members in our comments section.

(Recommended If You Like):

20 years ago, Todd Rundgren released a true tour de force,



(Click Me)

featuring a collection of rock, gospel, pop and soul songs created soley
with one instrument: His voice.

Like most of Todd's experiments, it was ignored, a fate Todd himself more or
less predicted with this ad for his epic double album Something/Anything?:



Todd, of course, never did himself any favors; he confounded fans who loved
the pop craft of Something/Anything? by following it up with an hour-long dada-esque musical collage (A Wizard, A True Star), a Zappa-esque prog-rock album (Todd Rundgren's Utopia), an album which featured a side-long, experimental synthesizer instrumental (Initiation), an album which featured note-for-note covers of his favorite songs (Faithful), a semi-tongue-in-cheek tribute to the Beatles (Deface The Music)...the list goes on (I, along with a number of Rundgren fanatics, happened to like these experiments with the notable exception of Deface The Music). Ironically, the last time Todd wasn't ignored was when sports arenas decided his throwaway "Bang on the Drum All Day" would be perfect to get crowds pumped up. Go figure.

Anyway, I digress. 19 years after A Cappella, Bjork released this album,



(Click Me)

which also boasted an all-vocal instrumentation gimmick (although Bjork
cheated with some samples and also used guest vocalists). Bjork was hailed
for her originality, probably because most critics were either too young to
remember Todd's album or because they simply chose to ignore him once again. Personally, even though I'm a huge Bjork fan, I find most of this album to be pretty dull.

So, why am I wasting your time talking about a 20 year old Todd Rundgren album and a Bjork album that I don't even really like? I'm getting to it. Both records could easily be described as "self-indulgent." We hear that phrase a lot when it comes to music and it's more or less used as a put down. But, I often find the best music is self-indulgent, primarily because the artists are making the music to please themselves rather than the mysterious, fickle masses. Which brings us to our recommendation: It's an album that consists of vocals-only and, like Todd's, features only one person's voice. But instead of calling it "self-indulgent" I'm going to call it "selfless-indulgent."

Here's the disc:



(Click me)

The reason it's selfless is because this isn't some vanity project by Petra Haden (daughter of the legendary jazz musician Charlie Haden and formerly of the neglected that dog). Instead, Petra Haden Sings: The Who Sell Out was created at the behest of Mike Watt, bassist for minutemen and fIREHOSE, because it was the favorite album of his and his childhood friend, minutemen bandmate d. boon who died 19 years ago in a car crash when his girlfriend fell asleep at the wheel. In the liner notes for Petra's disc, Watt explains the attraction to The Who album:

Well, it was cuz that was a record that said to us a band could do anything they want and still sound like it was them, they weren't tied to any kind of a sound or gimmick or whatever...d. boon would tell me later when we started the minutemen (we loved that Who record before we found punk; punk came to us when we graduated high school in 1976), "you hear Townshend on "Sunrise" playing his guitar? That's him trying to play jazz." And so d. boon went from the chord voicings he learned from CCR and BOC to those kind.

So Watt asked Petra (who never even heard the album) to interpret The Who Sell Out in it's entirety, using only her voice:

...I was curious as hell to see how such an endeavor would manifest itself. This is the power of music: to make ideas come alive, to breathe life in little boy daydream pasts so far removed by time...These memories of us sharing things go through my mind constantly cuz I miss him so...Please understand, it wasn't a demand, just an idea. And it was out of the goodness of Petra's heart to take it on...I know d. boon would've tripped on hearing this, too. He would've given the hugest of bear hugs for it We knew that record inside and out and Petra caught that spirit big time.

Indeed she did. Do yourself a favor and check it out (it's available at Bar/None Records). And check out the original, of course:


(Click me)

Enjoy!

Last year, Lewis Black declared winter to be the "coldest EVER!" This year might have trumped last year, at least in terms of stupidity (60+ degrees one day, 20 degrees the next). So, in honor of our stupid winter, I give you Lewis Black, ranting about last year's weather (perhaps it will make you feel better about this year...who knows?) Click the CD:



(Warning: Contains lots of "f-bombs." CD available from Comedy Central "Records" or from eMusic. Go there and take advantage of their trial offer and get 50 free MP3s. That's right, in a matter of seconds, you could own this entire Lewis Black "album" for free. Who loves ya, baby?)

Everything you feckin' need to help celebrate St. Patrick's Day in style...

You can thank me later...

Last week, Jonah Goldberg puffed up his itty-bitty chest and took on the "liberal media" (specifically The New York Times) for providing the Kerry campaign with an "October Surprise":

Where Did that “News Scoop” Go?

Remember al-Qaqaa? This was the massive cache of explosives that American forces failed to secure after the fall of Saddam. In the final week of the presidential campaign it was The Most Important Story on Earth.

The New York Times splashed the news on its front page and didn't stop splashing it for a week. In all, the Times ran 16 stories and columns about al-Qaqaa, plus seven anti-Bush letters to the editor on the subject over an eight-day period. Editorial boards across the country hammered the "outrage" for days. It led all the news broadcasts. It became the central talking point of the Kerry campaign, with John Kerry bellowing his indignation at the administration's incompetence at every stump stop. Maureen Dowd wrote a column about it, titled "White House of Horrors."

Bush supporters were furious. The original Times story read like it was intended to be an October surprise. It dripped with frightening quotes about how the stash was so big it was like "Mars on Earth." The authors quoted an IAEA memo warning that this was "the greatest explosives bonanza in history" and that it was now surely in the hands of shadowy terrorists across the Middle East. Because these explosives were allegedly of the type used to trigger nuclear weapons, the authors felt the need to drag in the specter of the Nagasaki bombing (though the question why WMD-less Saddam wanted explosives used for nuclear triggers got lost in the Bush bashing). Worst of all, we were told, Bush had been warned about these explosives and failed to snap them up right away.

But, as to the intentions of these critics, the most revealing facts were ones that did not appear in that first broadside in the Times. The frightening multi-author article, which dropped like manna from heaven for the Kerry campaign, couldn't find room to mention that the 380 tons of missing explosives constituted a fairly small fraction of the 400,000 tons of explosives and weapons that had been either destroyed or secured from more than 10,000 sites. In that context, what Kerry was calling the greatest blunder of the war suddenly was more like a regrettable but not quite remarkable lapse, in the midst of an extremely fluid situation.

Oh, and they left something else out: The weapons might have been removed before the invasion. Over the course of the week, the Times was forced to concede, often grudgingly and obliquely, that the weapons may not have been there for U.S. forces to secure in the first place. Moreover, it became increasingly implausible to imagine a convoy of trucks absconding with the explosives without U.S. intelligence noticing in the early days after the fall of Iraq. The United States owned the roads and watched them from the air.

So, anyway, I'd forgotten about all this. Bush won the election despite the al-Qaqaa drumbeat from Kerry and his surrogates in and out of the press.

But Byron York, my NR colleague, didn't forget. He wondered, whatever happened to The Biggest Story on Earth? The answer, it turns out, is nothing. The Times has not run a single story about the al-Qaqaa story since November 1. Nada, bupkis, zilch.

I'm going to try and ignore the fact that this dear boy Jonah thinks the loss of 380 TONS (!) of explosives is "regrettable" and move right to Exhibit B: Today's New York Times:

Looting at Iraqi Weapons Plants Was Systematic, Official Says

In the weeks after Baghdad fell in April 2003, looters systematically dismantled and removed tons of machinery from Saddam Hussein's most important weapons installations, including some with high-precision equipment capable of making parts for nuclear arms, a senior Iraqi official said this week in the government's first extensive comments on the looting.

The Iraqi official, Sami al-Araji, the deputy minister of industry, said it appeared that a highly organized operation had pinpointed specific plants in search of valuable equipment, some of which could be used for both military and civilian applications, and carted the machinery away...

The threat posed by these types of facilities was cited by the Bush administration as a reason for invading Iraq, but the installations were left largely unguarded by allied forces in the chaotic months after the invasion.

Dr. Araji's statements came just a week after a United Nations agency disclosed that approximately 90 important sites in Iraq had been looted or razed in that period...

White House officials, apprised of the Iraqi account by The New York Times, said it was already well known that many weapons sites had been looted. They had no other comment.

Jonah? Jonah? Are you out there?

Hopping mad. The target of his ire? The wimpy DLC (Warning: Very Salty Language Ahead):

I'm tired of these losers blaming us for their losses.

In any locker room in America, they would be called whining pussies. It's time to use some locker room talk on these folks, because an intellectual discussion just won't work. This will not be for tender eyes or sensibilities.

Ok, when you have a team, people bring different things to it, but the goal is to fucking win. You don't get anywhere by cutting down your fucking teammates. You don't like Mike Moore and Move On, you bitch about them in a private e-mail, you don't run to those fucking bitches at the WSJ and proclaim them the problem...

A lot of people wanted to buy into the bullshit that the GOP was beating us like a trailer park wife. Well that's horseshit. Our problems is that our coaches suck. They not only don't know how to win, they act like they don't want to win. Yeah, yeah, Clinton won, but this is a different team playing a different fucking game. The public likes clear choices. You may hate George Bush, but you know where he stands, and that's why John McCain will NEVER be president. He's too many things to too many fucking people. And Hillary is marching down that same fucking road.

A lot of you blame John Kerry for losing. Well, that's also horseshit. Even Tucker fucking Carlson thought Kerry had in the bag. We fucked up by discounting the church offensive of Rove. That's where those votes came from. It wasn't any fucking Swift Boat either. They fucked up, according to Zogby, and people didn't believe them. But that was one fine magic trick, taking out Rather and neutralizing the draft dodging issue against a bona fide war hero. They played a better ground game. Did Kerry fuck up? Sure, but it wasn't about any vote fraud shit. That battle was lost when Ken Blackwell decided to play for the home team. Once he decided to Tom his way to popularity, that was a done deal, Diebold or no, wacky Bev Harris or no. Part of the problem is that Kerry was saddled with the same losers everyone else had to deal with. Coaches who can't fucking coach and try to win using the old playbook. They KNOW that playbook and hand our asses to us when we use it. They didn't want to win bad enough. They thought there were rules. Our old friend Hunter Thompson knew that politics had one set of rules, do anything to win which you can get away with. The fact that Kerry got close is a miracle, given the team he had...

The DLC should be called the dumbass losing coaches. Al From couldn't coach his way out of a fucking paper bag. His day is done.

Here's the deal: Americans like the lives liberals gave them. There have been fundamentalists since 1740 and, like roaches, they pop up, fuck up a few things and scurry away. Rapture? Every century brings out those wackos. Left Behind is Star Wars for Bible thumpers. Fucking fiction. But what they don't like is our unwillingness to stand for something. The GOP has lied and bullshitted so many times, it's a miracle people can wipe their asses after listening to them.

And how do liberals react? Oh, Americans are sheep, let me move to Toronto, Bush is a fascist.

Which is just an excuse for cowardice. Conservatives don't say that shit in public, they act like they're protecting the poor while fucking them in the ass. They sure talked up Jesus during the election, and then fucked them good with tort reform and bankruptcy laws. They talked up the marrying faggots and then picked their pockets. The oldest hooker scam on the planet, get you thinking about your dick, while picking your pocket. Yet, how do we react, what do we do? Whine about Fox. Fuck Fox. Fox is for morons. Ignore fucking Fox, turn it into a fucking echo chamber. Thank God Bush decided to overplay his fucking hand...

And to all the liberals who would say:, we can't be like (the GOP), it doesn't matter what we do, I have a simple fucking reply: FUCK YOU.

Read the entire rant here. And a note to Steve: Don't forget to breathe...

Hendrik Hertzberg, writing in The Talk of the Town from the February 14th & 21st edition of The New Yorker:

Critics of the Bush Administration can take comfort in the fact that the apparent success of the Iraqi election can be celebrated without having to celebrate the supposed wisdom of the Administration. Like the Homeland Security Department and the 9/11 Commission, the Iraqi election was someing Bush & Co. resisted and were finally maneuvered into accepting. It wasn't their idea; it was an Iraqi idea -- specifically, the idea of Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, Shiism's most prominent cleric. In a way, it was a by-product of the same American ignorance and bungling that produced the unchallenged post-Saddam looting and the myriad mistakes of the Coalition Provisional Authority. But this time -- for the first time -- the bungling seems to have yielded somthing positive.

And then Hertzberg puts it all into perspective:

Iraq is still a very, very long way from democracy. And even if it gets there, the costs of the journey -- the more than ten thousand (so far) American wounded and dead, the tens of thousands of Iraqi men, women and children killed, the hundreds of billions of dollars diverted from other purposes, the lies, the distraction from and gratuitous extension of the "war on terror," the moral and political catastrophe of systematic torture, the draining of good will toward and sympathy for America -- will not necessarily justify themselves. But, for the moment at least, one can marvel at the power of the democratic idea. It survived American slavery; it survived Stalinist cooptation (the "German Democratic Republic," and so on); it survived Cold War horrors like America's support of Spanish Falangism and Central American death squads. Perhaps it can even survive the fervent embrace of George W. Bush.

And speaking of "systematic torture," Jane Mayer ,in the same issue, writes about our government's wonderful "Rendition" program:

On January 27th, President Bush, in an interview with the Times, assured the world that "torture is never acceptable, nor do we hand over people to countries that do torture." Maher Ararr, a Canadian engineeer who was born in Syria, was surprised to learn of Bush's statement. Two and a half years ago, American officials, suspecting Arar of being a terrorist, apprehended him in New York and sent him back to Syria, where he endured months of brutal interrogation, including torture. When Arar described his experience in a phone interview recently, he invoked an Arabic expression. The pain was so unbearable, he said, that "you forget the milk that you have been fed from the breast of your mother."

How can people (specifically, all of those good Christians who voted for Bush) have been so outraged at Clinton for lying about his ex-marital affair but turn a blind eye when it comes to our fearless leader shamelessly condoning and lying about outsourcing torture?

(The Bush Administration gave the CIA extensive authority to send terrorism suspects to foreign countries for interrogation just days after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, The New York Times reported on Sunday.

The newspaper said President Bush signed a still-classified directive that gave the CIA broad power to operate without case-by-case approval from the White House in the transfer of suspects -- a process known as rendition.)

Our job? To not let anybody get away with saying Bush is a great man. In fact, we must repeatedly tell the world he's a war criminal and a big, fat "Liar Liar" who has recently gotten "lucky" in Iraq -- no thanks to him.

And our newest member is:



Senator Joe Biden (D-DE), the ranking Democratic Senator, for

• Plagiarizing "a speech from British Labour Party leader Neil Kinnock. Biden unsuccessfully defended the plagiarism claims arguing that he had previously correctly credited Kinnock on other occasions but failed to do so in an Iowa speech that was recorded and distributed to reporters by aides to Michael Dukakis, the eventual nominee. It was also revealed that he had plagiarised in law school 20 years earlier when, unaware of the appropriate standards for legal briefs, he'd used a single footnote while lifting five full pages from a legal article."

• Sponsoring the Reducing Americans' Vulnerability to Ecstasy (RAVE) Act (eventually known as the Illicit Drug Anti-Proliferation Act) which makes it a federal crime to "knowingly and intentionally" make a place available "for the purpose of manufacturing, distributing, or using any controlled substance." Violators are subject to $250,000 or more in civil penalties, a criminal fine of up to $500,000, and a prison sentence of up to 20 years. Even Fox News was able to see the stupidity of this bill:

The people in charge of running the war say that we have to trust them: trust their integrity, and trust their judgment.

But how can we trust our government to spot terrorists when it thinks that glow sticks are items of "drug paraphernalia?" According to The Washington Post:

When he introduced the bill in June, Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., said "most raves are havens for illicit drugs," and congressional findings submitted with the bill label as drug paraphernalia such rave mainstays as bottled water, "chill rooms" and glow sticks.

My three-year-old nephew is fond of bottled water and glow sticks, and usually needs a "chill room." Presumably Biden regards him as a dangerous criminal.

• Whoring himself on CNN following a speech by President Bush:

...Biden bounced up on CNN during its post-speech analysis, reacting to anchor Paula Zahn's observation that the speech contained no references to that elusive search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Biden said it didn't matter, that American involvement had gone beyond that. "We have to secure Iraq for our safety's sake," Biden said.

• Acting like a complete douchebag in this interview with Paula Zahn:

PAULA ZAHN: And joining me now is the most powerful Democratic Senator, Joseph Biden of Delaware. So Senator, do you think Condoleezza Rice was truthful in her testimony before the Senate today?

BIDEN: I think she was evasive in her responses to Senator Boxer's questions about what I think was disinformation. She was literally correct when she said that the intelligence community, a portion of it, said those aluminum tubes were for a gas centrifuge system but, like others in the administration, she didn't point out that a significant portion of the intelligence community said no no, they're not for that purpose. But it was, to use the fancy word, it was disingenuous.

ZAHN: So Senator, you've found her disingenuous. Barbara Boxer your colleague basically said Dr. Rice's defense of the war "overwhelmed her perspective of truth". Isn't that going to be a problem for her?

BIDEN: Look. My standard is, if the person is, in my view, if the person is the President's choice, someone who has the competence intellectually and practically to do the job, then I err on the side of giving the president choice, so I will vote for her. But I wasn't particularly impressed by her performance today before the committee.

ZAHN: Senator, as we leave you tonight, I need some help with math here. You asked Dr. Rice a very pointed question about the number of Iraqi security forces that are really trained to do the job. She contended it was 120,000, you say based on your several visits to Iraq it's closer to 4,000. What are we talking about here?

BIDEN: In the field, if you ask any commanding officer over there, how many Iraqi military are ready to supplant an American force on the ground, you will get a number a heck of a lot closer to 4,000 than you will 120,000, and it's because we've had a really, really lousy training problem up until about three months ago when General Petraeus took over, and further because we have not taken advantage of the offers of the Egyptians, of the French even, and the Germans and others, to train Iraqi forces.

ZAHN: But Senator, we're talking about a 116,000 discrepancy here!

BIDEN: Absolutely positively.

ZAHN: So how can you support Dr. Rice if, in fact, her numbers are vastly different from yours? You don't believe her numbers!

BIDEN: Well, I believe her number in this regard. There are 120,000 people in uniform. Are they trained? No! Are they equipped? No! We are not winning in Iraq. The place is more dangerous. Unless there's a serious course change, we're in real trouble.

ZAHN: So how can you support her if she doesn't have a clear assessment of that?

BIDEN: Because that's the President of the United State's policy. You know, she's not the one that makes the policy. The President of the United States is saying the same things that she's saying. And the fact of the matter is I've never seen such concentration of power, within the White House and the Vice President's office, as I'm seeing now. Are they entitled to do that? Yeah! Is it a smart thing to do? No! Does it shut out other voices? Yeah! I think we're going in the wrong direction, I'm concerned about it, but, once she's Secretary of State, maybe there'll be a bit of an epiphany here. But I'm not counting on it.

• Being such a strong listener:

Democratic Sen. Joe Biden sat quietly, listening to it all. On another day, in another political reality, he might have been watching a presidential nominee self-destruct. The man who would be attorney general was coming off as evasive, as ill-prepared, as unwilling to accept responsibility for anything that happened on his watch as George W. Bush's White House counsel. But when Biden finally had his chance to put a question to (Alberto) Gonzales, he delivered this clear message instead: "You're going to be confirmed."

• Voting for The Bankruptcy Bill along with these other Democrats none of whom should "EVER be a Democratic Presidential Contender":

Byrd (D-WV), Yea
Carper (D-DE), Yea
Conrad (D-ND), Yea
Johnson (D-SD), Yea
Kohl (D-WI), Yea
Landrieu (D-LA), Yea
Lieberman (D-CT), Yea
Lincoln (D-AR), Yea
Nelson (D-FL), Yea
Nelson (D-NE), Yea
Pryor (D-AR), Yea
Salazar (D-CO), Yea
Stabenow (D-MI), Yea

A bankruptcy bill that allows

...multi-millionaires to shield their assets but not average families...Under the bill, the very wealthy would be able to shield millions in assets after declaring bankruptcy by setting up "asset protection trusts." Schumer lamented "now we have a bill that says a family won't be protected if it has $50,000, but it will if it has $5 million.

A bill that

...will be especially hard on elderly Americans, who are bankrupted by medical bills with increasing frequency.

A bill that rewards the credit card industry which

...raked in $30 billion in profits last year, some of which is clearly being spent to grease the palms of Washington politicians. Bankruptcy hasn't hurt the credit card companies one iota.

• Proving that you can't spell B-I-D-E-N without MBNA:

According to Opensecrets.org, Biden raised some $147,700 in contributions from MBNA employees from 1999-2004, his biggest source of campaign cash.

• And for still Thinking he could actually someday be President of anything other than this club or the Hair Club for Men:

It's apparently never too early to declare you're running for the presidency. Delaware Senator Joe Biden unofficially declared on Wednesday that he's running for president in 2008. Sort of.

In an interview with Don Imus on MSNBC's Imus in the Morning, the radio personality asked Biden, "Are you going to run this time?"

"Well, I'm going to proceed as if I'm going to run," Biden said.

So congratulations Joe. Or should we call you Joey?

Okay everybody, let's all join together and say,

"What an asshole."

(For more about The Joey Nichols Club, go here and be sure to watch this:



And remember, please feel free to suggest future members in our comments section.

Try to catch tonight's repeat of last night's The Daily Show (11:30p, est). Bruce Willis was the guest and he appeared just a tad (well, actually very) wasted. He told Jon that he was wearing the same clothes as he was the night before and that there apparently were some "missing hours" (Stewart reminded the audience that The Daily Show tapes around 6:30p...that's quite a few hours to have missed).

Personally, I think it's great that Willis made absolutely no effort to hide his condition. Instead, he acted like a real celebrity. I mean, c'mon, let's face it: Any actor who says their job is hard work is completely full of it. Working in a coal mine is hard work; putting out fires is hard work; brain surgery is hard work; fighting an unnecessary war in Iraq is hard work. Acting, on the other hand, is playing dress up. And if you're one of the lucky ones (like Willis), you get paid a ridiculous amount of money to put on other people's clothes. As an added bonus, you have a huge amount of idle time to spend that money and get extremely wasted.

Unfortunately, there’s a real “ewwwww” factor to this tale of celebrity debauchery. It seems Bruce is taking a page from his ex-wife in the cradle-robbing department. According to Defamer, Willis’ missing hours were at least partially spent with Lindsay Lohan:

Action hero Bruce Willis got some action of a different kind after the screening of his new blood-and-guts flick, “Hostage.” At an after-after-party at the Peninsula Hotel early yesterday, Willis, who turns 50 this month, and teen queen Lindsay Lohan, 18, enjoyed a mutual gropefest. “At one point, Bruce had Lindsay’s pants down far enough to reveal a tattoo that said ‘La Bella Vista’* (The Beautiful View) on her right cheek,” says our spywitness. Eventually, Willis and a few friends, including Lohan, took the party upstairs to his suite.

We hardly need to tell you that Lohan is 18 and Willis somewhere around 68. Things really cooled down, however, once the party moved to Willis’ room, and Lohan’s troubled relationship with her father surfaced at an inopportune moment. Just as Willis was about to get a good look at the tattoo, Lohan whispered, “You know what would be hot? If you stalked me with a reality TV crew, tried to get some of my money, and then crashed your car into a pole.”

[*”La Bella Vista”? That tattoo artists must’ve had a really hard time trying to salvage something from “Wilmer 4 Eva.”]

Like I said: Being a tattoo artist is hard work; being an actor is playtime...

The judge in Michael Jackson's child molestation case issued a warrant for the entertainer's arrest after Jackson failed to show up for his trial on Thursday, the day his young accuser was set to continue his testimony.

Jackson's attorney said Michael was in the hospital with a "back problem." And O.J. was wearing a disguise, carrying a weapon and oodles of cash while running away from the police because he was an innocent man in search of Nicole's real killer...

The Rude Pundit thinks The Big Turd Sandwich has already spent most of his political capital:

Except for his brief sojourn abroad to pretend he gave a shit about Europe, Bush has been on a political capital spending spree across the country, holding forth with hand-picked audience members, mimicking the well-worn "town hall" style of conversation. In these simulacra of democracy, Bush spouts his "facts" and "figures," with huge fuckin' graphics on big damn screens, so many figures that it puts the "numb" back in "numbers."

and James Wolcott is (justifiably) at his wit's end:

The bankruptcy bill, the renomination of rejected or blocked judges, the enthronement of America's first Attorney General of Torture, the refusal to even admit the looming disaster of global warming, the arrogant insult to the UN and the diplomatic world with the nomination of John Bolton as UN ambassador--Bush's second term is a triumphal Fuck You that the pundits and cable newsers will interpret as a jaunty thumbs-up, not possessing enough self-respect even to mind being played for fools.

Read both essays...and weep (one of them might even make you weep for joy).

American Hot Wax, "...all the American #1 singles from 1950 onwards, reviewed and rated, in order."

and this:

Popular, "The UK's 1000+ Number One Hits since 1952, reviewed, in order, irregularly, for as long as I can bear to keep doing it."

I love obsessives...

Volume 3 is now online. Scroll down and look for the Wurlitzer on the left. Enjoy.

(Note: There's a bit of a technical glitch at the beginning of "Llorando." I'll try to fix it a.s.a.p., anal-compulsive person that I am... Glitch fixed; Volumes 1 & 2 are also available again for those of you who missed them)

Link posted by Neil Krupnick @ 5:06 PM 0 comments

The Governator chose the day of his annual Arnold Classic Bodybuilding Contest to give lip service to the war on steroids:

"We have to step up the testing procedures, and find other ways, and be more aggressive with it...Let's talk again about it and really think what else could we do."

Well, for starters, we can ban the annual Arnold Classic Bodybuilding Contest:



Go ahead: Make your own captions...

George Bush yesterday called on Syria to withdraw its troops and intelligence services from Lebanon before elections scheduled for May.

In an interview with the New York Post, the US president said: "The subject that is most on my mind right now is getting Syria out of Lebanon, and I don't just mean just the troops out of Lebanon - I mean all of them out of Lebanon, particularly the secret service out of Lebanon."

Mr Bush rejected the suggestion of a partial withdrawal, and said his demand was "non-negotiable."

"When the United States says something, it must mean it," said Mr Bush. "That's what I meant when I said: 'Remove all your troops', not remove 94% of them."

Bush also spoke at a "Kill Social Security" event in New Jersey yesterday and said:

"We want democracy in Lebanon to succeed. And we know it cannot succeed so long as she is occupied by a foreign power."

Apparently Gomer has no sense of irony.

We of course will be removing 100% of our troops from Iraq any day now...and we'll be replacing them with, um, robots:

The US military is planning to deploy robots armed with machine-guns to wage war against insurgents in Iraq...

Officials say the robot warrior is fast, accurate and will track and attack the enemy with relatively little risk to the lives of US soldiers.

Unlike its human counterparts, the armed robot does not require food, clothing, training, motivation or a pension.

Didn't these people ever see Robocop?!?!?!?



The enforcement droid series 209 was OCP's first attempt to create an automated police unit. ED-209 is generally considered a failure, due to the fact that it killed innocent people. Plus it had trouble walking down stairs.

And perhaps, the biggest question remains: Can machine-gun toting robots be trusted with torturing our prisoners? Oh, that's right: We don't have to worry about that because we can just send them to another country to be tortured:

The Bush Administration gave the CIA extensive authority to send terrorism suspects to foreign countries for interrogation just days after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, The New York Times reported on Sunday.

The newspaper said President Bush signed a still-classified directive that gave the CIA broad power to operate without case-by-case approval from the White House in the transfer of suspects -- a process known as rendition.

And now, my "rendition" of President Bush: "9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11. I'm a war president. 9/11 changed everything. We don't need no stinkin' badges..."

I know I already told you that I'm not much of an art critic, but if you're planning to be in New York between now and June 6th I strongly urge you to check out Gregory Colbert's Ashes and Snow at the Nomadic Museum



(a 45,000 square foot edifice constructed mostly of cargo containers and paper tubing) on Pier 54 in Chelsea.



If you're not going to be in New York, their wonderful website will have to do...
(click the picture below)

Welcome to I'm Just Sayin's newest feature: The Joey Nichols Club. Each week, we'll search the globe and induct a new member into this exclusive club.

But what exactly is The Joey Nichols Club, you ask? Well, it's name comes from one of our favorite scenes in Woody Allen's Annie Hall. Rather than describe the scene for you ('cause nuthin's funnier than people reciting and imitating their favorite comedy moments), we'll let you watch the scene yourselves. Simply click the pic and enjoy:




Okay, if you've watched the clip, we're sure you've figured out what road we're heading down. That's right, we're looking for assholes. But not just any assholes -they have to be such huge assholes, that even a nine year old kid can smell 'em a mile away.

We thought long and hard as to who to choose for our first "Joey Nichols" because, quite frankly, the playing field is extremely large. Should we go with Ann Coulter for slurring Helen Thomas and the entire Arab world? Too late, she already made our quote of the week. How 'bout Sean Penn for reenacting a deleted scene from "I Am Sam" at the Academy Awards? Nope, we already called him out in our Oscar recap.

In the end, we decided to go with a complete nobody. His name is Mark Noonan, senior writer for a blog called (I kid you not) Blogs For Bush (go ahead, make your own porn jokes). Anyway, Noonan posted this news story:

ATLANTA, Georgia (Reuters) -- Americans are living longer than ever largely because of declining death rates from heart disease, cancer and stroke, the federal government said Monday.

Average life expectancy in the United States rose to a record 77.6 years in 2003 from 77.3 years in 2002, according to the latest data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

And here's what he had to say about it:

We're All Gonna Live!

This is just gonna make the liberals go into a funk...And here we had been believing those liberals when they were telling us that everything is going to hell in a handbasket. Guess what? If we're living longer it means that life is getting better. Got that? Better. Things are better than they were before - "before", in this case, being before President Bush took office.

That's right Mark. We liberals are in a total funk. We hate good news. Did you also know that whenever a U.S. soldier dies in Iraq we cry...tears of joy? Or that we want to kill your babies, have sex with your dog and look at Janet Jackson's nipple, over and over again?

So, everybody, let's all give Mark a warm welcome to The Joey Nichols Club and all say together:

"What an asshole."

If you have any suggestions for potential Joey Nichols Club members, please feel free to write them in our comments section. Have a wonderful weekend...