March 02, 2005


The Joey Nichols Club

Welcome to I'm Just Sayin's newest feature: The Joey Nichols Club. Each week, we'll search the globe and induct a new member into this exclusive club.

But what exactly is The Joey Nichols Club, you ask? Well, it's name comes from one of our favorite scenes in Woody Allen's Annie Hall. Rather than describe the scene for you ('cause nuthin's funnier than people reciting and imitating their favorite comedy moments), we'll let you watch the scene yourselves. Simply click the pic and enjoy:

Okay, if you've watched the clip, we're sure you've figured out what road we're heading down. That's right, we're looking for assholes. But not just any assholes -they have to be such huge assholes, that even a nine year old kid can smell 'em a mile away.

We thought long and hard as to who to choose for our first "Joey Nichols" because, quite frankly, the playing field is extremely large. Should we go with Ann Coulter for slurring Helen Thomas and the entire Arab world? Too late, she already made our quote of the week. How 'bout Sean Penn for reenacting a deleted scene from "I Am Sam" at the Academy Awards? Nope, we already called him out in our Oscar recap.

In the end, we decided to go with a complete nobody. His name is Mark Noonan, senior writer for a blog called (I kid you not) Blogs For Bush (go ahead, make your own porn jokes). Anyway, Noonan posted this news story:
ATLANTA, Georgia (Reuters) -- Americans are living longer than ever largely because of declining death rates from heart disease, cancer and stroke, the federal government said Monday.

Average life expectancy in the United States rose to a record 77.6 years in 2003 from 77.3 years in 2002, according to the latest data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
And here's what he had to say about it:
We're All Gonna Live!

This is just gonna make the liberals go into a funk...And here we had been believing those liberals when they were telling us that everything is going to hell in a handbasket. Guess what? If we're living longer it means that life is getting better. Got that? Better. Things are better than they were before - "before", in this case, being before President Bush took office.
That's right Mark. We liberals are in a total funk. We hate good news. Did you also know that whenever a U.S. soldier dies in Iraq we cry...tears of joy? Or that we want to kill your babies, have sex with your dog and look at Janet Jackson's nipple, over and over again?

So, everybody, let's all give Mark a warm welcome to The Joey Nichols Club and all say together:
"What an asshole."

If you have any suggestions for potential Joey Nichols Club members, please feel free to write them in our comments section. Have a wonderful weekend...

So Bush gets credit for that too?
Ya know, it seems I've been snowed under by such a huge amount of assholery lately, I'm getting so I can't even detect an asshole anymore. But I'll try.
This is great, a bunch of us have been using this great reference for 25 years now as a private code whenever we find ourselves in the presence of a Joey Five Cents -- we've passed it on to our children as well -- Woody get his due...
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