Do As I Say...

George Bush yesterday called on Syria to withdraw its troops and intelligence services from Lebanon before elections scheduled for May.

In an interview with the New York Post, the US president said: "The subject that is most on my mind right now is getting Syria out of Lebanon, and I don't just mean just the troops out of Lebanon - I mean all of them out of Lebanon, particularly the secret service out of Lebanon."

Mr Bush rejected the suggestion of a partial withdrawal, and said his demand was "non-negotiable."

"When the United States says something, it must mean it," said Mr Bush. "That's what I meant when I said: 'Remove all your troops', not remove 94% of them."

Bush also spoke at a "Kill Social Security" event in New Jersey yesterday and said:

"We want democracy in Lebanon to succeed. And we know it cannot succeed so long as she is occupied by a foreign power."

Apparently Gomer has no sense of irony.

We of course will be removing 100% of our troops from Iraq any day now...and we'll be replacing them with, um, robots:

The US military is planning to deploy robots armed with machine-guns to wage war against insurgents in Iraq...

Officials say the robot warrior is fast, accurate and will track and attack the enemy with relatively little risk to the lives of US soldiers.

Unlike its human counterparts, the armed robot does not require food, clothing, training, motivation or a pension.

Didn't these people ever see Robocop?!?!?!?



The enforcement droid series 209 was OCP's first attempt to create an automated police unit. ED-209 is generally considered a failure, due to the fact that it killed innocent people. Plus it had trouble walking down stairs.

And perhaps, the biggest question remains: Can machine-gun toting robots be trusted with torturing our prisoners? Oh, that's right: We don't have to worry about that because we can just send them to another country to be tortured:

The Bush Administration gave the CIA extensive authority to send terrorism suspects to foreign countries for interrogation just days after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, The New York Times reported on Sunday.

The newspaper said President Bush signed a still-classified directive that gave the CIA broad power to operate without case-by-case approval from the White House in the transfer of suspects -- a process known as rendition.

And now, my "rendition" of President Bush: "9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11. I'm a war president. 9/11 changed everything. We don't need no stinkin' badges..."