June 29, 2007

 

Old Spice


My how times have changed:

Posh is now officially Scary Anorexic Spice. Scary is now Eddie's Baby Mama Spice. Baby is now Pudgy-Wudgy Spice. Sporty is now Generic Spice. And Ginger is now Chlamydia Spice*:



*Chlamydia joke courtesy of John Fugelsang, circa 1993ish.

 

Stephen Colbert Really, Really, Really Wants an iPhone




P.S. - Go here to sign a petition to get Steve Jobs to unlock the iPhone from it's hideous deal with AT&T.

 

"Leprosy? In This Country?" "Incredible."


The Daily Show's John Hodgman gets to the heart of the white man's fear of Mexicans:


John
(Click to watch)

 

"Never in the history of the court have so few—done so much—so quickly."


That's the opinion of Justice Stephen Breyer regarding George W. Bush's Supreme Court who yesterday voted 5-4 to essentially bring back good ole segregation. Our brilliant Chief Justice, John Roberts, had this to say about the decision:
“The way to stop discrimination on the basis of race is to stop discriminating on the basis of race."
Wow, did he come up with that one all by himself?

Thank you, Ralph Nader: obviously there would have been no difference between Bush & Al Gore.

June 28, 2007

 

"(A free people has) an indisputable, un­alienable, indefeasible, divine right to that most dreaded and envied kind of knowledge..."


"...I mean, of the characters and conduct of their rulers." - John Adams

Impeach

Back in January, Lewis Lapham in Harper's Magazine laid out the case for impeachment. The most persuasive part of his argument is his discussion of how much We the People can (should) learn about Our government during the proceedings:
Democracy is born in dirt, nour­ished by the digging up and turning over of as much of it as can be brought within reach of a television camera or a subpoena. We can’t “lay out a new agenda for America” un­less we know which America we’re talking about, the one that embodies the freedoms of a sovereign people or the one made to fit the requirements of a totalitarian state. We owe it to ourselves to know the difference. Seldom in our history have we been offered a better chance to learn a more useful civics lesson, and by holding up to the light the malfea­sance, nonfeasance, and “all the oth­er rot” embedded in the character and conduct of the Bush Adminis­tration, we might discover what we mean by America the beautiful. Like it or not, and no matter how un­pleasant or impolitic the proceed­ings, the spirit of the law doesn’t al­low the luxury of fastidious silence or discreet abstention...

Both the security and the liberty of America have suffered heavy losses over the last fifty years, but none more apparent and therefore easier to weigh and count than those inflicted on the American political democracy by the military-industrial complex (a.k.a. the industrial autocracy, the commercial oligarchy) wearing the mask of the Bush Administration. The question now before the country is the one con­fronted by the man afraid of finding out that he’s been robbed. How much longer do we wish to pretend that nothing really happened, or that noth­ing really valuable is lost; that the crime is the losing of the Iraq war, not the making of it? That in place of the constitutional questions asking why, to what end, and in whose interest, we can afford to substitute the ques­tions of logistics - how many troops to dispatch or withdraw over a period of how many days or months; when to tell the Iraqi government that we’re not renewing its social contract; what deals to cut with Syria and Iran; where to find another expedient lie to justi­fy what we can present as an honorable exit strategy. The answers to the sec­ondary questions will teach us nothing worth the knowing, but by impeaching President Bush the Congress not only can impart that most dreaded and en­vied kind of knowledge without which a free people can’t know whether the adjective is true or false; it also might turn over enough dirt to unearth the American democracy buried at the feet of Uncle Sam.
If you still don't think there are enough transgressions to warrant impeachment (even in light of Dick Cheney's recent claims to be above the law), here are just a few, courtesy of Lapham:
1. A foreign war conceived as a means of advancing the Bush Ad­ministration’s imposition on the American people of a not-so-­benevolent despotism, the army sent to fight and die not for the defense of country but for a corpo­rate dream of commercial empire.

2. A government that tortures people classified as enemy combat­ants, denies their right to hear all the evidence bearing on their confine­ment and arrest, forbids their resort to petitions of habeas corpus.

3. The administration’s systematic plundering of the Federal Treasury on behalf of its accomplices in the arms and construction trades.

4. The National Security Agency directed to monitor, without first obtaining a court order, any and all telephone and email traffic suspect­ed of carrying the germs of terrorism.

5. The president’s use of 136 sign­ing statements since he took office to exempt himself from the rule of more than 1,000 federal laws.
Want to learn more? Start by going here and vote to impeach here. It's the least we can do for our country...

 

Hillary Clinton's New Theme Song Contest


 

The Answer to the Yankees' Woes?


New Japanese Baseball Pitch - Watch more free videos

I'm sure they could pick this guy up for a cool $10 million (hell, they're paying Mike Musina $11 mil and he's 3-5 with a 4.98 ERA).

 

Peace


"Theology is an attempt to create a place of peace in a time of war. It is my own personal response to what has taken and is affecting everyone around the world since and including September 11, 2001. I want to be very clear - there is no message. No preaching. Nothing deep and meaningful the artist wants to say, nothing trouble making. I simply wanted to make a beautiful thing, out of something beautiful, which inspires me." - Sinead O'Connor

 

Paris Hilton Did Jail Time While This Woman Continues To Roam Free


Someone, please explain...


Whitman
(Click to watch)

June 27, 2007

 

lol



Jesus Banner


Except the Supreme Court "BONG HiTS 4 JESUS" decision is NOT a barrel of laughs. Click the pic for more.

 

Awwwwwwk-ward!


The surviving members of The Beatles paid a visit to Larry King Live last night along with Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison. Watch as Larry asks Olivia what the song "Something" means to her:


King/Beatles
(Click to watch)

I don't care what George latter claimed, he wrote that song for his first wife Pattie Boyd (or some other woman), not Ray Charles (Ray Charles?!?!?). Now whenever Olivia hears "Something" she'll think about that creepy, old man who made her feel uncomfortable on live TV.

Larry was more of a source of amusement for the lads from Liverpool (who seemed to be pretty stoned out of their minds), even with his awkward transition from talking about The Beatles first triumph in the U.S. to asking Paul and "George"(!) "where were you when John passed?" And I loved it when Ringo described Paul's bass playing as melodic and Larry asked, "What does that mean?" Below are about 13 minutes of highlights:


King/Beatles
(Click to watch)

And finally, a moment of zen, as Larry, mistaking himself for Murray the K, leads Paul, Ringo, Yoko, Olivia and the crew of Love into the theater. Watch as Larry tries to foist his kid onto Paul and get a load of the smirk on Anderson Cooper's face as they cut to him at the end of Larry's show:


King/Beatles
(Click to watch)

 

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha


Oh wait, this doesn't even approach actual humor:



And yet the MSM continues to invite this charming woman on the air. How do any of these people sleep at night?

UPDATE: Here's the context of Coulter's "joke" courtesy of a particularly rude Rude Pundit:
Here, in context (because she whines like a golden retriever hit by a car whenever she perceives she's being decontextualized), is what Coulter said Monday on Good Morning America about presidential candidate John Edwards, after bland automaton Chris Cuomo brought up her inference that Edwards was a "faggot" a couple of months ago: "[A]bout the same time, you know, Bill Maher was not joking and saying he wished Dick Cheney had been killed in a terrorist attack. So I've learned my lesson. If I'm gonna say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.

Taking Maher out of context, Coulter misses that he had asked if the world would be a better place if Cheney had been killed, not that he "wished" it had happened - a fine line that Coulter is more than willing to ask everyone to apply to her constant hopes for violence against Edwards, the New York Times, Justice Stevens, etc."

June 26, 2007

 

Cool New Site (for wasting time while you're supposed to be working)



Chime
(Click to go to chime.tv)

 

Not Bad for a Bunch of Geezers


The Who rock Glastonbury:


 

Mr. Met Mensch


Believe it or not, the New York Mets have not one but two Jewish players on their team (out of maybe ten in the entire Major League): One is not even worth mentioning (okay, his name is Scott Schoeneweis and he currently has a 5.67 ERA) and the other is Shawn Green who, despite recovering from a broken foot, has a .290 BA, a .345 OBP and a .465 SLG. And while he may not be the swiftest right fielder in the game, he has had many big hits this season (unlike some of his higher paid teammates -- I'm talking to you, Carlos Delgado). Last night, he had his biggest so far:


Shawn
(Click to watch)

It's funny how people are always surprised when they find out that a ballplayer is Jewish. Case in point: Listen and watch Denis Leary in the Red Sox's broadcast booth as he learns the truth about first basemen Kevin Youkilis:


Online Videos by Veoh.com

June 25, 2007

 

Boo Fuckin' Hoo






"There are indeed people to blame. They are the terrorists who attacked the United States, not the men and women at all levels of government who worked heroically to protect and defend this country."





So said Christine Todd Fucking Whitman who is soooooooooooo going to hell for contributing to the lie that NYC was safe immediately following 9/11. I hope she burns brightly along with "America's Mayor" Rudy Guiliani. Fuck these liars. They should be in jail. They literally have committed murder.

 

"A Nation of 6 Year Olds"


Ron Paul (the first Republican in decades who actually makes sense -- at least when it comes to our policies in the Middle East) + David Cross (funny, intelligent stand-up comedian and sworn enemy of Jim Belushi) vs. Rudy Giuliani (9/11 WHORE):


 

Here It Is, Your Moment of Zen Mets:



Jose
(Click to watch Jose Reyes' "inside-the-park run home")

June 22, 2007

 

Smells Like Patti Smith


"Tricia" covers Nirvana (with bluegrass instruments!):



Surprisingly effective.

 

The Golden Age of Advertising

Amazing ad for Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band's Lick My Decals Off, Baby:



(h/t PCL LinkDump)

June 21, 2007

 

You Dig 16 Cells and What Do You Get?


President Dickhead thinks the answer is "embryos." Sorry, bunky. Wrong answer. Take it away my new blogger friend, Gene in Pittsburgh:
Don't you wish that Bush was as concerned about the destruction of emails as he is about the destruction of "embryos?" His panties are in a twist over a collection of cells a few days old, that AREN'T embryos. They ARE 16 cell zygotes.
Click Gene's link for more and click the pic below to watch The Chimp vs. The Fox:


dick

 

Thanks

...to all my readers (and fellow bloggers) who left the kind words. My gift back to you? How 'bout a pic of my friend's new dog, Englebert:

Englebert

Cuter than Christmas, right?

 

THE TEN


From the folks who brought you The State and Wet Hot American Summer, comes The Ten.

I gotta say, sometimes restraint is a good thing: the unrated trailer (for all of you perverts out there) is actually less funny than the "all audiences" trailer. If you don't want to spend the time watching either, may I suggest watching my favorite part of both trailers? --


Ten
(Click to watch)

 

I Guess The Truth Hurts


Fox and CBS rejected this condom ad because "Contraceptive advertising must stress health-related uses rather than the prevention of pregnancy” (and god forbid the ad has anything to do with actual intercourse).



I'm guessing the genius' who rejected the ad were simply offended by the idea that beautiful women might see them for the pigs they truly are.

 

Who Knows What Evil Lurks in the Hearts of Men?


The Prairie Dog Knows!


 

For 250 Bucks, It Should Also Keep My Beer Cold and Grill Me Up Some Hot Dogs


Introducing the Juice Bag, a nifty, solar powered beach bag that charges your iPod, phone or camera while you're getting Melanoma:


Juice
(Click for more details)

(h/t boingboing)

June 20, 2007

 

Some Posts Are More Equal Than Others


Animal Farm

I admit, I don't always put a lot of effort into this blog. Alas, it's not my day job and until I can figure out how to make a living off blogging (yeah, good luck with that), what you see is what you're gonna get. The odd thing is that sometimes when I put some actually oomph into this damn thing, I get bupkis in terms of response. A recent example would be my Sopranos Alternate Endings post. I thought, "here was something topical and funny, people will be flocking to it and digging it." I tried getting some usual suspects to link to it but to no avail. All that work for nothing (well, not really: I decided to post the video on YouTube and Vimeo; so far 15,985 have watched it on YouTube and 11,277 have watched it on Vimeo. Not bad).

So what's the point of this post? Well, every once in awhile, I'll blog something that took zero effort and somehow it ends up getting a bunch of links and comments, even months after it was posted. Two great examples: a Titanic: The Sequel post in which I simply blogged a YouTube video of an obviously fake trailer, and a Green Day/U2 post in which I blogged another YouTube video and made fun of Billie Joe looking like a cross between Jared Leto & Robert Smith. I'd like to share with you some of the more entertaining comments:
Titanic Comments:

WOW IM A HUGE TITANIC FAN AND I THINK THAT IF THIS SEQUEL WAS (REALLY) MADE IN TO A PROPPER FILM THEN IT WOULD WIN ACCADEMY AWARDS AND DO BETTER THAN THE FIRST FILM .I AM VERY EXCITED AND I HOPE THAT MY DREAM COMES TRUE ( FOR THE SEQUEL TO BE MADE REAL ) PLEASE MAKE ME AND MANT OTHERS HAPPY
FROM A GREAT FAN OF THE TITANIC STORY ,TERENCE MCPHEE

EVERYTIME I WATCH THIS I WANNA CRY! THIS MOVIE WOULD BE 100 TIMES BETTER THAN THE FIRST!! I AND MANY OTHERS THINK THIS FLICK OR WHATEVER SHOULD BE MADE INTO A MOVIE. I WOULD WATCH TITANIC A DOZEN TIMES AND EVERYTIME I WOULD ASK MYSELF WHAT WOULD THE SEQUEL BE LIKE? WELL THIS ANSWERS MY QUESTION!! PLEASE, MAKE THIS MOVIE AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT IT WOULD BE A HIT AND NO WASTE OF TIME.
SISCERELY,
SARA MARIE N.

This is kind of a retarded movie, i mean come on. Rose let go of Jack in the first movie because he was DEAD. I think it's just a waste of time. And if they do show this movie they first need to show something that says some thing like "This is not a true story and we miss the ones who really died on April 15,1912.Kayla Schulte

Green Day/U2 Comments:

u r such an asshole... Billy joe is a god ORIGINAL and TALENTED...

what's?? billie joe is a excelent musician!! hi is original.. u are such an idiot

You are such a asshole!!!!!
Jared Leto is verry cute!
And he doesn't look like anybody.
I HATE YOU AND I LOVE JARED LETO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and, perhaps my favorite:

shut up stupid girl...
Ah, my devoted fans...

June 19, 2007

 

Idiot Clinton Spoofs Sopranos, Chooses Celine Dion for Her Campaign Song




Great: Compare yourself to a mob boss and then show everyone that you have the WORST taste in music. Oy.

 

President Failure


Failure
"Allow me to explain just how much
I fucked up Iraq."
"Iraq has emerged as the world's second most unstable country, behind Sudan, more than four years after President George W. Bush ordered the U.S. invasion to topple Saddam Hussein, according to a survey released on Monday.

The 2007 Failed States Index, produced by Foreign Policy magazine and the Fund for Peace, said Iraq suffered a third straight year of deterioration in 2006 with diminished results across a range of social, economic, political and military indicators. Iraq ranked fourth last year.

Afghanistan, another war-torn country where U.S. and NATO forces are battling a Taliban insurgency nearly six years after a U.S.-led invasion, was in eighth place.

'Iraq and Afghanistan, the two main fronts in the global war on terror, both suffered over the past year,' a report that accompanied the figures said.

'Their experiences show that billions of dollars in development and security aid may be futile unless accompanied by a functioning government, trustworthy leaders, and realistic plans to keep the peace and develop the economy.' "
Heckuva job, Bushie.

June 18, 2007

 

Lift the Ban


Our country is being run by idiots (but you probably already knew that).



(Courtesy of lift the ban dot org. Go there and sign the petition.)

 

POOP



The kids are not alright. The Mets continue to suck, two weeks after being the hottest team in baseball and the Yankees continue to surge, two weeks after being the most under-performing team in baseball. Only one word describes this situation: Poop.







It's a good thing this is only a game and not something like, say, the newly elected Democratic majority screwing the pooch on the Iraq War or I'd be suicidal. Oh, wait...

June 16, 2007

 

The Kids are Alright


Well, at least for one night (thanks to the actual kids on the team). Now it's imperative that the Mets take at least 2 out of 3 from the Yanks.

Here's the biggest kid on the team, Jose Reyes, smacking a homerun (against fatboy Clemens):


Jose
(Click to watch)

and here's the ridiculously younger Carlos Gomez' amazing grab in left:


Carlos
(Click to watch)

and, of course, kudos to young Ollie for pitching a masterful game:


Ollie
(Click to watch)

June 14, 2007

 

Oh...My...God


Triumph at the Tonys:


June 13, 2007

 

"Have You Smoked Anything Today?"


Our glorious mainstream media at work. MSNBC talks to Tommy Chong about Paris Hilton and it's "not exactly what (they) expected":



(Thanks to reader Sal)

Stephen Colbert has the follow-up:


June 12, 2007

 

The Sopranos Finale: The Alternate Endings


Through a friend of a friend of a friend who works for Chase Films, I was able to score three of the alternate endings that were shot for the series finale of The Sopranos. These are not for downloading nor are they for sale. Please enjoy:


Sopranos
(Click to watch)

Alternate link (for the Quicktime impaired and/or to spare my bandwidth). Here's another.

June 11, 2007

 

Way to go, Bree



Bree Walker, a former television newscaster turned progressive radio host has purchased Camp Casey, the 5-acre property formerly owned by anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan. From The Brad Blog:
She confirmed the news to us moments ago, in an exclusive interview, that she intends to keep the property "as a ground for freedom and peace" and is considering erecting a memorial there for troops killed in Iraq. She hopes to create a meditation garden on the grounds and to keep it open to the public.

"I'm cashing out my capitalist corporate stocks and buying into a legacy of peace," she told The BRAD BLOG moments ago. Sheehan will be selling the property for the same price she purchased it for so as not to be seen as profiting from the sale, Walker explained.
I have long-admired Bree Walker who overcame her disability (she was born with ectrodactyly, a congenital deformity of the hand) to become fairly successful in television. I had started to worry about her when she apparently gave in to plastic surgery (not for her hands but for her face) but she seems to have put her priorities in order.

 

"Is That All There Is?" - The Sopranos Finale, The Morning After


So now that I've let last night's episode sink in a little, I am here to tell you I still thought last night's episode sucked. But not because of the ending. It was all of the extraneous, waste-of-time, boring bullshit that ultimately made me angry, especially the stupid cat and A.J.'s SUV exploding. The majority of the episode was a dud.

Sure, there were some great moments, including the stuff with the F.B.I. agent (Tony's "good guy" doppelganger) and, of course, the crushing of Phil. But after spending over 80 hours with these people I expected something a little more entertaining. After all, it's a television show.

And, I think that's been the problem with the show over the last few seasons: In the beginning, almost every episode was an "Oh Wow!" Yet, the last third or so of the series has been, more or less, a bunch of "So Whats." Bones were thrown to us (Gay Vito, Christopher shooting J.T., A.J.'s suicide attempt, Tony's final scene with Dr. Melfi) but so much of the series dragged (Christopher's death scene? After all his shit? Booooooooooooring).

And so, to the ending. I've always been one to think that Meadow was going to inherit Tony's role as boss of New Jersey (the show is called The Sopranos which I think is David Chase's clever way of saying the Soprano men are all castrati and that it's the women -- Melfi, Livia, Carmela, Meadow -- who have the real power). Certainly Meadow marrying further into the mob and wanting to defend Italian-Americans points to her complete crossover. So it makes sense that Meadow was late to dinner and avoids getting whacked with the rest of the family. I admit, I wasn't completely convinced that Tony gets whacked until I read Heather Havrilesky's Salon essay this morning along with the letters from readers. Here is one of Havrilesky's possible interpretations and the response that convinced me Tony is dead:
HH: And yet... is it possible that we're witnessing Tony's last moment alive? What did Bobby say to him on the boat, in the first episode of this last run? "You probably don't even hear it when it happens, right?" Maybe the abrupt ending is Tony getting shot, without even realizing it?

Reader: So, we can believe that Chase played the nastiest trick in the history of TV, getting 50 million people to simultaneously say "What the fuck!", when trickery has never really been his style. Or, he was saying that this was Tony's world all along, and it stopped existing the moment he left it.
But then there's also this interpretation:
"Here's the deal, Chase let us ENTER INTO the drama here. If "when you get hit, you don't even know it, everything just goes black," then WE, the audience, got hit. Everything went black, and we don't get to see how the story of everything else goes on. This final episode was existentially perfect, PERFECT!"
Either of these interpretation's fit into what I ultimately think David Chase was getting at. Earlier this season, he perversely had Nancy Sinatra singing "Is That All There Is?" which contains these uplifting lyrics:
SPOKEN: I know what you must be saying to yourselves,
if that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?
Oh, no, not me. I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment,
for I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you,
when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my lst breath, I'll be saying to myself

SUNG:
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is
Tony (and the audience) have been slowly realizing that so much of life (or the show) is complete bullshit and that the only thing worth living for is family. Here's Havrilesky, summing up the penultimate scene:
And then, we see where it all leads: Tony finally takes a trip to see Uncle Junior, who doesn't even recognize him. When Tony reminds June that he once ran the North Jersey mob with Tony's father, the old man replies apathetically, "That's nice." As Tony strides away, like he can't get out fast enough, we recognize that look on his face: It's all a big nothing.
Chase has also spent a lot of time making the audience complicit with Tony's amorality (c'mon, all of us have been rooting for Tony to triumph over Phil). Last night, he really let us have it (take it away Heather):
...it was fitting that the big F.U. should come from the mouth of the show's least respectable character, self-pitying, idiot-savant A.J., who explodes in an angry outburst after Bobby's funeral. Disgusted with the idle Oscar-related small talk at his table, he rages, "You people are fucked. You're living in a fucking dream!" Then he snipes that Americans distract themselves from their country's atrocious acts by "watching these jack-off fantasies on TV."
Ouch. David doesn't think much of us or the medium he works in. Or maybe he doesn't like himself -- he seemed to be making just as much fun of himself as the audience by starting off the episode with Vanilla Fudge's version of "You Keep Me Hanging On":
"Set me free, why don't cha babe
Get out my life, why don't cha babe
'Cause you don't really love me
You just keep me hangin' on..."

Why don't you be a man about it
And set me free
Now you don't care a thing about me
You're just using me
Go on, get out, get out of my life
And let me sleep at night
'Cause you don't really love me
You just keep me hangin' on...
So what did we all hang on for? One reader is convinced, just like Tony's realization with Uncle Jun, the show was all for nothing:
Nothing in this show had meaning. From Tony's momentous "I get it" in the Nevada desert, to the cat peering and purring at the picture of Christopher. Tony's therapy - meaningless. Tony's love of nature - meaningless. Carmela's crappy spec house - meaningless. The whole mafia thing, whether it be in Brooklyn or N. Jersey - meaningless. AJ's absurd self-centered personality contortions - meaningless.
A television show? As the number one obsession of America (next to Paris Hilton)? - meaningless (and a bit sad). We are all guilty of caring about the wrong things. Here's another reader's take (referring to how little any of the characters in the show changed):
...I'd even take the message a bit farther and say it is something more like, "People don't really change all that much, because it is too much work." Which is really an allegory for America. We know we should reduce our dependence on foreign oil, we know we should probably reinstitute the draft, we know we should do something about the deficit and Medicare and the failing school systems and growing inequalities, and that sooner or later we're going to have to figure out what to do about Iraq. But you know what? It's just too much work. Plus, as many problems as we all have, nothing--not even 9/11--seems to be able to do us in completely. So, let's focus on the good times. Pass the onion rings. And whatever you do, don't stop believin'.
So, is that all there is? Keep believin'? I guess we shouldn't have been in such a "hurry for that final disappointment."

Oh well. For many of the shows 80 hours, we were entertained. Were we diverted from the real world? Of course we were. I don't think we could survive without diversion. So ultimately I'll give Chase a lot of credit for his creation. The fact that it wasn't perfect and ended with a fizzle can't take away from the show's great moments. Plus, can you think of a fictional TV show that has made people think as much as this show (and I'm not talking about "What's with the backwards dancing Midget, polar bears and black smoke" kind of thinking)? Thinking about nothing just might be as existential as it gets, baby.

And now, back to our lives.

June 10, 2007

 

Well, That Sucked







David Chase, R.I.P.

June 09, 2007

 

Oh, Just Go Away and Leave Us Alone


Boo Fucking Hoo

Salon's Heather Havrilesky and Rebecca Traister perfectly sum up l'affair de Paris:
...when the news came out on Thursday that Hilton was released from jail and sent home with a house-arrest ankle bracelet, after just three days, due to an unspecified "medical condition" that many have speculated is her deteriorating emotional and mental state, a great cry of protest rose up from the land. Why?! When our prisons are filled with men and women serving time for their crimes, why should one pretty young heiress walk free?

A member of the prison's medical team told the New York Post that Paris was let go because she was on the verge of losing it: "She was crying a lot ... She's in lockdown for 23 hours. She was depressed." Ah, yes. As opposed to the rest of those in our nation's prisons.
Click the link for the whole shebang.

(Link fixed)

June 08, 2007

 

Mmmmmmm...Beer




"Bright golden color & a striking white head start your Buckler experience. The non-alcoholic beer is medium-bodied with a nice hop bite and a dry finish."




Georgie pines for the good-ol' days.

June 07, 2007

 

Pamela Low, creator of the Cap'n Crunch flavor, has met her maker

"Grandma would make this concoction with rice and the sauce that she had; it was a combination of brown sugar and butter," Ms. Low's brother William of Westerville, Ohio, said with a chuckle. "It tasted good, obviously. They'd put it over the rice and eat it as a kind of a treat on Sundays."
Ummmmm, yummy AND nutritious.

Thanks for all the cavities Pam! Rest in peace...


 

20 Covers Featuring Some Pretty Important People - Some Talented, Some Just Pretty, Some Just Famous...plus a Dumb Guy


Vanity Fair opened it's editorial offices to St. Bono who edited the mag's new "Africa" issue. As usual, photographer Annie Leibovitz was brought in to shoot a butt-load of famous people. The results are an unprecedented 20 covers, capturing "a visual chain letter," says Leibovitz, "spreading the message (of "the challenge, the promise, and the future of Africa") from person to person to person." The result? Some interesting pairings:

AliOprahMayaJay-ZBonoRice

Most of the participants were paired with people they might not usually be connected with, but apparently Condi requested that she be teamed up with her husband boss:

Bush

And somehow Desmond Tutu ended up drawing the short straw, seen here praying that the man next to him goes away very, very soon:

Tutu

To view all 20 covers, go here.

 

Now I'm Really Bugged


This is the review of BUG DUM I should have read:
"Tracy Letts’s play, about a delusional war veteran who ensnares a lonely woman in a folie à deux, may have been jolting onstage, but his screen adaptation of it, as directed by William Friedkin, is implausible, overwrought, and laughable. Fine actors (including Ashley Judd, Michael Shannon, and Harry Connick, Jr.) give their all in performances of over-the-top commitment which are part of the problem. The theatrical trickery renders all the more ludicrous the film’s vain lurching toward big statements."
Yep, that about sums it up. That's what I get for reading the fluff magazines first and saving The New Yorker for last.

June 06, 2007

 

Mystery Solved


Jesus of Cool

Ever have a song that you absolutely love to sing along with but always get stuck at a certain part because, for the life of you, you can't understand the lyrics? No? Then go away. If you can relate, read on.

After almost 30 years, I've finally found out what the heck Nick Lowe (on the album Jesus of Cool, a.k.a. Pure Pop for Now People) was singing about as he described the members of a fictional band in They Called It Rock (click the link to listen). I always got this far:
"The drummer is a bookie/the singer is a whore/the bass player's s..."
I thought he was saying "the bass player's surly 'cause he never won an award" but I knew, deep down, that I was completely wrong. Now, through the magic of the Google, I now know that the complete line is:
"The drummer is a bookie/the singer is a whore/the bass player's selling clothes he never would've worn"
Aren't you thrilled for me?!?!?

Big thanks to the Retroactive Radio Show for posting the lyrics.

 

What Do Pearl Jam & Tom Jones Have in Common?


They've both gotten the Legion of Rock Stars treatment:
"Legion of Rock Stars (LRS) pioneered Pure Pleasure, in which the band listens to original recordings of classic rock and pop songs on 30db noise-blocking headsets, and then plays along.

Freed from the shackles of practicing, LRS focuses instead on bringing the excitement of a large stadium rock show to the intimate arenas in which it performs."
Enjoy?





For more exciting videos, go here.

June 05, 2007

 

This Better Not Suck



Golden Compass
(Click to watch the trailer)

Let's hope the producers watched The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe for an example of what not to do to a classic book. I realize the His Dark Materials trilogy is a little young to be considered a classic, but it will be someday.

 

A New Way to Burp Your Kids!



 

Best Monologue



SS Monolgue
Uploaded by dorkaholics


NSFW. Duh.

 

Best Kiss



 

When I'm 64


I take some pride in the fact that I look younger than I am. As a matter of fact, the other night my wife and I were carded at the Mets' game, being told by the young vendor that she had to card "everyone who looked under 40" (if you know us, you'd know how much a compliment that was). However, at a certain age, you have to stop acting like a frickin' moppet:*

Macca

Condolences to all Starbucks employees who will be forced to listen to "Sir" Paul's new album ALL DAY today. I'm sure there are one or two highlights but listening to anything non-stop would harsh anyone's mellow. For example, could you imagine listening to this more than once:

"End of the End"

Oh, it's just beginning, my coffee-brewin' friends.


*I just looked up the actual definition of moppet. It's a "young person between birth and puberty." So perhaps, to have been more accurate, I should have said it's time to stop acting like you're still in The Beatles...

June 04, 2007

 

Save Darfur


Well, at least help Darfur: Buy Instant Karma: The Amnesty International Campaign to Save Darfur here or here.

This is the first single, a surprisingly-effective version of "Working Class Hero" by Green Day. Too bad about the "fucking crazy" censorship:



June 01, 2007

 

It Was 40 Years Ago Today


pepper
Jeez, I'm getting old.

Never my favorite Beatles album (that would be Revolver), Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band nevertheless was a ground-breaking achievement, from the loose concept to the incredible artwork and inserts. And there's a couple of good songs on the record to boot.

I've always been a fan of Ringo's under-appreciated drumming and I think Pepper demonstrates how perfect a fit he was for The Beatles. Here's my little tribute:


Pepper
(Click to listen)

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