Congratulations Hillary!

In your mathematically impossible* attempt to (honestly) capture the Democratic nomination, you managed to get approximately 200,000 more people (out of approximately 2 million) to vote for you over Barack Obama (in a state where you led by more than twice as much a month ago), thus bringing you closer (in your mind, at least) to your dream of someday obliterating Iran. Let's take a look at what you actually accomplished:

• You won more delegates than Obama! As of this morning, you won 14 more delegates, 80 to 66, with 12 more still to be determined. In other words, you gained next to nothing in turns of delegate count. Money and time well spent!

• Apparently you got a huge infusion of cash as a result of your primary win. Great, so now you will be able to scare the good people of Indiana and North Carolina before the May 6th primaries. And, with a little luck, you may pull in enough cash to further smear your opponent thus saving the Republican party millions of dollars!

• You have managed to nearly obliterate the public perception of a (finally) unified Democratic Party. Remember when it seemed like there was a Democratic debate every other day and the nation got to see Democrats of all stripes agreeing on the most important issues of the day? The war in Iraq, healthcare, immigration, the economy, the overall failed policies of the Bush Administration. Now, people are not so sure about the Democratic candidates. Who has the better healthcare policy? Who is going to go nuclear on the Middle East? Who wears a flag pin? Who knows people who have said or done bad things? Who is awake at 3 a.m. in the morning?

I admit that your victory speech last night was one of your best (I mean speeches in general; you haven't been able to give too many victory speeches). But I was still troubled by the fact that you never seem to believe in what you are saying. Maybe because, as you've reminded us a gazillion times, speeches are just "words." However, you did appear simply giddy at the end of your speech when you mocked Obama's campaign of hope and stole his signature phrase of "Yes We Can":

"I believe with all my heart that together we will turn promises into action, words will become solutions, hope will become reality. So my answer to any who doubt is, 'Yes We Will!'"

Gosh, how clever. What a great way to try to not sound nasty while being completely nasty. If we were in high school, I definitely would vote for you for class president.

*For more on Hillary's impossible quest to snag the nomination, read Robert Creamer's excellent analysis over at The Huffington Post.