December 23, 2004

The Holy Grail of Crap


A long time ago (1978), in a galaxy far, far away (Hollywood), there actually was a conspiracy led by a cabal of Jews -- including Chewbacca (known to his friends as "Jewie"), Carrie Fisher (1/2 Jewish), Harrison Ford (1/4 Jew) and the biggest Jew of all, George Lucas -- to destroy Christmas as we know it. Yes, I'm talking about what is affectionately known among geeks everywhere as "The Holy Grail of Crap": The Star Wars Holiday Special:

title
lumpy
han&lumpy
luke
leia


I was "fortunate" enough to receive a bootleg DVD copy of this special as an early Christmas gift. The reason it's a bootleg and a "Holy Grail" of sorts is because Lucas has forbid this special to ever officially see the light of day again. After watching it, I can see why: I have never screamed "Make It Stop! Make It Stop! Make It Stop!" more in my life. The experience was not too dissimilar to this:

alex

So, because I love you, I've decided to share some "highlights" from this one of a kind holiday experience. I'm sure you'll enjoy meeting Chewbacca's family, Mala, Itchy and Lumpy, as well as special guests Art Carney, Harvey Korman, Diahann Carroll, The Jefferson Starship and Bea Arthur. Happy Life Day Everyone!!!

life day

Click Me

47 comments:

Scaramouche said...

That was awesomely bad. No wonder Lucas has tried to kill it.

Anonymous said...

O.M.G... that is the single worst piece of "filmmaking" I've ever witnessed. Is this really the same group that made Star Wars?!

BradF said...

Thanks, Krup! That was awesome!

Though I'm still trying to figure out...if STAR WARS took place a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...what exactly where they celebrating? Since -- presumably -- little baby Jesus wasn't even born yet?

One of the mysterious of life I guess.

Merry Xmas...and may the Force be with us all, everyone.

Rob Wynne said...

What's truely astonishing about this special (which I have seen all of) is that it is STILL more entertaining than the Annakin/Amadala love story subplot in Episode II.

Anonymous said...

Please leave it up long enough for those of us laboring under the yoke of dialup.

Isabeau

Anonymous said...

Don't you ever, ever do that to me again!!!

Alexander Wolfe said...

Okay...seriously...I would almost rather watch that then Episode II again.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if it's on stomptokyo or ohthehumanity, but there's a review of the incomplete bootleg of the hodiday special that never aired (it was as bad, if not worse, than this thing), it features... Count Duku, played IIRC, by Christopher Lee. Lucas never throws anything out, no matter how foul.

Anonymous said...

I really didn't think it was as bad as you guys said it was going to be. I mean it was the 70's......It reminds me of the Muppet Show or something along those lines. I agree it isn't in the same vain as the movies, but I SERIOUSLY don't think Lucas ever envisioned this as a companion to his films or anything.

Anonymous said...

Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I would have liked to see the Boba Fett first appearance.

I'm Just...well, you know.

Anonymous said...

Brilliantly Bad! I really loved seeing those old Star Wars toy commercials again.

Anonymous said...

Very funny, missing only the Boba Fett cartoon in the middle and Tim Conway (or Harvey Corman again) as a robot instructor.

Anonymous said...

I must have this. I was a Star Wars crazed 11 year old kid when that was on. I remember watching it and going whaaaaaaaa...t is this? Fortunately,2 years later Empire came out and restored order to the galaxy.

Anonymous said...

Legend has it that whenever Lucas finds a copy of this he makes a point to personally smash it to pieces with a hammer.

Bolt your windows.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or did that whole special just seem like a gimmick to peddle Star Wars toys before Christmas?

"May the force be with you, and your children.'

Anonymous said...

Immediately after watching this video, I received a phone call that said I had 7 days to live.

Anonymous said...
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Sam Holloway said...

Okay, now I can puke. When I was 11 years old, this Star Wars business was almost a religion. Now, after seeing the ludicrous, shallow, racist pap of the second 'trilogy,' and after seeing Return of the Jedi again, I realize how poorly this excrescence has aged for me. This old holiday 'special,' kind of like "The Phantom Menace," shows what happens when George Lucas isn't kept on a leash by sensible adults (e.g. Lawrence Kasdan).

Anonymous said...

I can't believe they don't show that every year like the Charlie Brown Christmas Special or the one with the elf that wants to become a dentist.

Anonymous said...

"liberal politics, non-commercial music, attempted humor"

Truth in labeling ... "attempted humor". :rolleyes:

The anti-Semitic 'humor' isn't funny. I don't mind clever ethnic jokes but this falls flat and fails to BE funny. While I agree that the holiday special was a disaster ... the site's author lost all appeal to me with the theme chosen to describe how bad it was; ... and I ant even Jewish.

Do all of your readers a favor and broaden your vocabulary of adjectives so you don’t come across as a white supremist hate monger or Muslim.

Anonymous said...

That action figures commercial reminds me of my childhood. I really want to play with that land speeder again!

- Buzz

Anonymous said...

I couldn't watch even 30 seconds of that without getting nauseous. Or maybe it's that case of beers I slammed last night...

Krup said...

To the brave anonymous poster who accused me of being a racist: It's called "I-R-O-N-Y" - look it up: http://www.m-w.com/dictionary.htm

Peace...

Anonymous said...

"Clockwork Orange"?

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous 12:08 A.M.,

Do all of your readers a favor and broaden your vocabulary of adjectives so you don’t come across as a white supremist hate monger or Muslim.If I understand your post correctly, you are implying that hatred of Jews is a defining characteristic of Muslims. I find it odd that you should lecture against prejudice. Or, did I misinterprete you?

Anonymous said...

Well, duh, the "Jew" remarks (however intended) weren't funny (especially cuz George Lucas isn't Jewish, and it wasn't a CHRISTMAS Special, but rather a Holiday one). And the Muslim-bashing remark wasn't funny either.

But basically, yeah, MAKE IT STOP!

Anonymous said...

And just when you think it can't get any worse...then Carrie Fisher SINGS!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Somethings once seen, can not be un-seen.
The Horror.....the horror....

Anonymous said...

Actually I blame Sid and Marty Kroft for this lumbering, televised turd; Lucas just signed off on it, figuring (if he thought of it at all), "Hey, free advertising!" I think he made that special after he finished "Return of the Jedi" just to prove that he wasn't totally inept in overseeing TV specials.

-Strelnikov

Anonymous said...

Most gayest random shit ever

Anonymous said...

I remember watching this as a kid and being soo excited about it that it all came back to me. I'm laughing so hard that I want a copy of it. The comments on this are also adding to the humor..I think Lucas should go ahead and sell it just for laughs, Stars Wars is such a commercial franchise anyways.....

Anonymous said...

Although a few people that had worked with the Kroffts did work on the special, Sid and Marty Krofft had nothing to do with this disaster. From what I understand, Lucas didn't have that much to do with it either.

I thought the special was kind of cool at 9, but I barely make it through the special when I saw it as a bootleg. While some bits fall under the "so bad, it is good" category, the majority of it is just bad and boring.

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Anonymous said...

I expected Sigmund the Sea Monster to pop-in on the Wookie scenes.

Anonymous said...
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Krup said...

You asked for it, you got it - More Holiday Special specialness can be found here:

http://krupsjustsayin.blogspot.com/2005/01/ive-got-your-boba-fett-right-here.html

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Anonymous said...

Is there any way that you could burn a copy of the Holiday Special for me? I would happily reimburse you for the cost of production. Please contact me at bees_knees_88@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Ok that wasn't THAT bad. It WAS 70's varity television. But from what I've read from other reviews, I think you just showed us the presentable parts. I wish I could see the entire episode.

Anonymous said...

Ski season's coming up dude... you might want to check out some ski Ruapehu information in the meanwhile.

Anonymous said...

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARF

Anonymous said...

That so wasnt Star Wars material it almost made me puke im glad this thing isnt out on reguular T.V. or id die from the whole thing! How horrible was lucas at the time anyways.

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