May 30, 2007

May 29, 2007

Tee Hee

I Want My 2 Hours Back!


So my wife and I had what we thought was a perfect, fool-proof plan for the long Memorial Day weekend: Leave Thursday night, come back Sunday night, avoid all of the traffic and spend a quiet, leisurely day in NYC on Monday. Maybe even take in a movie.

Because we have a weekend house (where we prefer to stay in at night) and work late during the week, we rarely get the opportunity to experience movies in actual movie theaters. So, needless to say, we get pretty excited at the prospect of going to the movies. Not having much interest in the current blockbusters (we didn't care much for the first two Spidermans and nearly fell asleep during the second Pirates of the Caribbean (apparently both Keith Richards and possibly Johnny Depp actually did fall asleep), we were still in the mood for a guilty pleasure. Knowing my wife likes scary movies (and with the knowledge that neither of us have been actually been scared by a movie since the late '70s), I was intrigued with what I had read about Bug. I normally don't read full reviews of movies prior to seeing them because most critics are lazy and simply retread the plot and throw in some words they found in the thesaurus to make them seem informed. So I glanced at 3 different magazine reviews (Entertainment Weekly, Time Out NY and New York) and came away with "easily (William Friedkin's) strongest in years," "enjoyably icky," " an unexpected pleasure," "some serious heebie-jeebies," "a creepy-crawly drama of the highest order." Sounded pretty good to me.

Instead, we saw one of the dumbest movies ever. We're talking Douglas Feith stupid. Sure, the direction was good, the acting was pretty outstanding but were we scared? No. Were we creeped out? Sure but for the wrong reasons (some extremely gratuitous blood and violence). Were we riveted? We honestly wanted to be. It felt like it was going somewhere. But when it finally arrived at some place, the place was called "RidiculousLand."

I have to give Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon (reprising his role from the play in which the film was based) some credit: How they didn't burst into laughter every single take Ashley had to scream "I am the super mother bug!" is a wonder. Save your money and, more importantly, your time: Do NOT go see Bug.

Fortunately, we salvaged the day with lunch al fresco featuring a really tasty bottle of Rosé and some hilarious people watching. Normally New York provides an unusual, eclectic mix of the fantastically freaky, highly fashionable and tourist-schlumpy. I guess the highly fashionable people were all out of town: we saw nothing but weirdness and bad sartorial choices. We actually didn't want to leave until we saw at least one hot man and one hot woman (and by hot, we meant put together and cool, not necessarily hunky or smokin'). Alas, we ended up giving the hotness award to some cute dog, gender and breed unknown, because, seriously, the pickins were that slim. Judgmental, moi? Guilty as charged. But come on people, this is New York. We have an image to protect.

And to top off the weekend, we got our two hours back by watching the season finale of Lost. If you gave up on the show during the misguided second season and the fairly dull first half of this season, do yourself a favor and download at least the last 10 episodes (or wait for the DVD): The show definitely came back, big time.

May 27, 2007

Sea of Blood

“It could be a bloody — it could be a very difficult August.”
- George W. Bush, thoughtless, selfish prick

I am drowning
In the blood that surrounds me
Caused by all of the fears
Fears of life
Because of all that comes with it,
The piercing pain of the knife
That comes in one hit
I taste it now the blood I am covered in
The tears
Are rolling down my face
So thick and red
I am lost in this sea
Sea of BLOOD.
- Tears of Blood

Almost exactly two years ago, I put together the following video, "Is It Worth It?" Sadly, nothing has changed in Iraq except the growing numbers of deaths and casualities ("In the period from Memorial Day 2006 through Saturday, 980 soldiers and Marines died in Iraq, compared to 807 deaths in the previous year."). Meanwhile, it's business as usual in Washington with Bush and Cheney still lying by telling people that our presence in Iraq is making life safer for us here in the U.S. And because of the cowardice of their fellow Republicans, the media and Democratic enablers, Bush and Cheney are allowed to continue their bloody war with no end in sight. Thanks to the noise machine, the American people, who overwhelmingly think we should get the hell out of Iraq, were convinced that de-funding the troops meant abandoning the troops. Truly sad.

So, Happy Memorial Day Weekend America! Enjoy those juicy hot dogs and bloody hamburgers...

(Click to watch)

Photos: 01) Anthony Martini of Chicago, mourns his brother, Marine Lance Cpl. Philip John Martini and 02) Barbara Zimny of Glenview, Ill., mourns her son, Marine Cpl. Christopher E. Zimny next to pairs of boots representing their lives, while visiting a memorial of over 3400 pairs of boots representing the U.S. military personnel killed in Iraq, in Chicago, Saturday, May 26, 2007. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

Video Images: ABC News
Music: "Shipbuilding" (Music: Clive Langer; Lyrics: Elvis Costello; Vocals: Robert Wyatt)

May 24, 2007

Buckle Up, Dammit!

Tell Congress - No Blank Check For Iraq

Go here to find out how to contact your representative.

Here's Keith Olbermann on the betrayal of our Democratic Party (their "Neville Chamberlain moment"):

(Click to watch)

May 23, 2007

WFMU YouTube Tiny Tim is Destroying My Brain

WFMU's Beware of the Blog directed me to these two YouTube clips. Disturbing or Genius? You Decide:

May 22, 2007

"Listen to Your Questions"

Yes, indeed Diane, listen to your stupid, fucking questions:

(Click to watch. The really stupid,
fucking question comes around 2 minutes in

Vote to Impeach!

(Click the Worst President Ever to cast your
non-scientific vote

The results as of 10:47 a.m. EST:


May 21, 2007

Earth to Yankees Fans:

Yankee Fans

Your team just dropped two more games back from the first place Boston Red Sox, placing you slightly behind Baltimore (Baltimore!) in third (third!) place. You just lost 2 out of 3 against the team that you repeatedly insist "Suck" -- a team that has won 9 more games than you have at this point in the season. So why (why?!?!?) must you run around Shea Stadium with your beer-fueled Neanderthal brains, dragging your knuckles while you brag and shout obscenities and get yourselves kicked out of our house just because you won one lousy game?

Sadly that kind of behavior tends to also bring out the worst in some of our less developed Mets fans. You're a bad influence, my friends (and a poor role model for, you know, the kids).


Try to keep it in check next time you visit our sanctuary.

May 20, 2007


The Mets take the Subway Series, regardless of what happens tonight, mostly thanks to David Wright's two homers (and Endy's four hits and the Yankees' 26 errors). I think a little song is in order:

I am a dull and simple lad
Can not tell water from champagne
And I have never met the queen
And I wish I could have all that he has got
I wish I could be like David Wright


And when I lie on my pillow at night
I dream I could fight like David Wright
Lead the school team to victory
And take my exams and pass the lot

(wish I could be)
Wish I could be like David Wright
(wish I could be)
Wish I could be like David Wright
(wish I could be)
Conduct my life like David Wright
(wish I could be)
I wish I could be like David Wright

(with apologies to Ray Davies and The Kinks)

May 19, 2007

"Give 'im a Swing"

I agree with Metstradamus, Endy Chavez needs his own cereal:

(Click Metstradamus' genius cereal box to watch
Endy's 2-run shot against the Angst Yanks

And, while you're at it, go here to watch Endy make a mockery out of Johnny Damon's attempt to stretch a single into a double. Sweet.

And don't forget to vote (see below below below below below).

May 18, 2007

The Best PowerPoint Presentation...Ever


(h/t to WFMU's Beware of the Blog. For more about the creators, go here)

And don't forget to vote (see below below below below).

How Pissed is Al Gore?

I'm gonna go with very. Here's an excerpt from an excerpt of his forthcoming book (click it to pre-order):

Al's Book
It is simply no longer possible to ignore the strangeness of our public discourse. I know I am not alone in feeling that something has gone fundamentally wrong. In 2001, I had hoped it was an aberration when polls showed that three-quarters of Americans believed that Saddam Hussein was responsible for attacking us on Sept. 11. More than five years later, however, nearly half of the American public still believes Saddam was connected to the attack.

At first I thought the exhaustive, nonstop coverage of the O.J. Simpson trial was just an unfortunate excess—an unwelcome departure from the normal good sense and judgment of our television news media. Now we know that it was merely an early example of a new pattern of serial obsessions that periodically take over the airwaves for weeks at a time: the Michael Jackson trial and the Robert Blake trial, the Laci Peterson tragedy and the Chandra Levy tragedy, Britney and KFed, Lindsay and Paris and Nicole.

While American television watchers were collectively devoting 100 million hours of their lives each week to these and other similar stories, our nation was in the process of more quietly making what future historians will certainly describe as a series of catastrophically mistaken decisions on issues of war and peace, the global climate and human survival, freedom and barbarity, justice and fairness. For example, hardly anyone now disagrees that the choice to invade Iraq was a grievous mistake. Yet, incredibly, all of the evidence and arguments necessary to have made the right decision were available at the time and in hindsight are glaringly obvious.

Those of us who have served in the U.S. Senate and watched it change over time could volunteer a response to Senator Byrd's incisive description of the Senate prior to the invasion: The chamber was empty because the Senators were somewhere else. Many of them were at fund-raising events they now feel compelled to attend almost constantly in order to collect money—much of it from special interests—to buy 30-second TV commercials for their next re-election campaign. The Senate was silent because Senators don't feel that what they say on the floor of the Senate really matters that much anymore—not to the other Senators, who are almost never present when their colleagues speak, and certainly not to the voters, because the news media seldom report on Senate speeches anymore.
And don't forget to vote (see below below below).

You Want My Advice?

How 'bout this song, Hill?

Does she really think she has a snowball's chance in hell of winning this thing?

P.S. - Don't forget to vote (see below below)...

Kick the Baby

Funny but not. Not funny but funny.

And now, the Remix:

And don't forget to vote (see below)...

May 16, 2007

Sixty Second Song Remix Contest

Yours truly is a finalist in WFMU's Sixty Second Song Remix Contest in which contestants were asked to condense a song into 60 seconds or less. After receiving 450 submissions, Station Manager Ken has whittled down the finalists to 40. Click the pic below to listen and vote (I'd tell you which one was mine but that wouldn't be kosher, would it?). Voting ends Wednesday, May 23rd at 10pm, EDT.


(Note: When you get to the link, you'll see all 40 songs. To vote, you have to scroll up towards the top of the post.)

Update: For you lazy voters out there, I've put together a little comp of all 40 entries entitled The 111 Second 60 Second Remix Remix

"God's Punishment"

Exclusive video of Jerry Falwell's final resting place:

(Click to watch)
“AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.”

“I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this (9/11) happen."
For more brilliant Falwell observations, go here.

May 15, 2007

I'd Like To See a Journalist Get This Worked Up About Something Really Important lying us into war, for instance:

Watch as BBC reporter John Sweeney completely loses his mind while taping a report on Scientology.

This is some good crazy.

Ooh, some more good crazy (reminds me of myself watching Bush on TV):

"My most important job, the most important job of any president today, and I predict, down the road, is to protect America."

- President George W. Bush (March 20, 2006)
So, what has our President been up to these last couple of weeks as the body bags continue to pile up in Iraq? Actin' all Presidentiable:

Idiot Buffoon Jerk Clown Embarassment Stooge

The Jamestown pictures remind me of when our family visited historic Williamsburg. Somewhere there's a picture of me acting all goofy in a stockade, perfectly acceptable behavior...for a NINE YEAR OLD.

May 08, 2007

Gosh, It's the Republican Debate

Jon Stewart on last week's manly display of white men:

(click to watch)

May 07, 2007

I Hate Drum Solos

Except this one is awesome:

At the time of this recording (1995), Tony Royster Jr. was 11 years old!

(Something to aspire to, eh Will?)

Mother's Day = Peace

Who knew? I always thought it was a ridiculous, made-up Hallmark holiday. Watch and learn:

This Mother's Day, you can make a donation to No More Victims in your Mother's name (seriously, it's a lot more thoughtful than flowers). Go here for more information.

I Got Nuthin' Today

...except for some damn fine entertainment:

(Perez Prado: Mambo #8)

Watch this at least 5 times in a row. Trust me.

May 04, 2007

Republican Apemen

The Question: Do You Believe in Evolution?

(Click for the answer)


(thanks to onegoodmove for the vid)

DeVito's Limoncello, Yesiree!

Danny Devito has "carefully selected the 'finest' Limoncello available for your pleasure that will surely excite your palate and stimulate your taste buds and digestion." It will also get you drunk as a skunk and cause you to make fun of our President.

(Click for an MP3 of the Devito's Limoncello Theme Song)

Official Website: Harbrew Imports LTD

(Tip o' the hat to freakgirl; DeVito at the Coachella Festival pic courtesy of stereogum)

The Republican Debate reported by Dennis Perrin:
Each candidate fought bitterly to claim Reagan's legacy as his own. John McCain was perhaps the most insistent, not only claiming to be one of Reagan's closet friends when the president was alive, but saying that Reagan's ghost regularly visits him for casual games of checkers, and has posthumously endorsed McCain as his political heir.

Mitt Romney tried to upstage McCain by donning a plastic Reagan mask and repeatedly saying, "Mr. McCain -- tear down that gall!"

But the true highlight of the evening came when Reagan's casket was wheeled out on stage and opened in front of the candidates. The stench made many in the library sick, but candidate after candidate took turns kissing what's left of Reagan's body, with John McCain attempting to crawl into the casket with the late president. Moderator Chris Matthews informed McCain that he was deviating from the scripted format, and awarded some of McCain's speaking time to GOP longshot Ron Paul, who used it to denounce the IRS, advocate the gold standard, and propose that Americans trash their debit cards in favor of a barter system using animals, wool, and ammunition.
(Click the link for the whole post)

May 02, 2007

Give me a P...

Give me an R. Give me an O. Give me a G. Give me an R. Give me an E. Give me an S. Give me another S. What's that Spell?

Um, Bullshit?

May 01, 2007

A Less Sober Anniversary

May 1

Happy 13th Anniversary, Honey Bunny! (What do you get someone for the 13th? A broken mirror?)



Happy "Major Combat Operations in Iraq have Ended" Day!


Here's how the Democrats will "celebebrate":
Democratic leaders in Congress are planning a special ceremony on Tuesday afternoon to send President Bush a bill that sets timetables for troop withdrawal from Iraq.

The timing is no accident. It comes on the fourth anniversary of the day Mr. Bush stood on an aircraft carrier under the banner “Mission Accomplished” and declared that major combat operations in Iraq had ended.

The Democrats’ ceremony, featuring the House speaker, Nancy Pelosi, and the Senate majority leader, Harry Reid, is part of the elaborate political theater at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue surrounding the Iraq spending bill, which is destined to produce only the second veto of Mr. Bush’s presidency.

But with Mr. Bush planning to spend Tuesday in Florida talking with military commanders, the White House was being coy on Monday about what kind of theatrics of his own — if any — he might stage. Democrats, however, said they expected the veto to come Wednesday.
And then, Harry Reid went in for the kill:
Democratic leaders delivered a final argument on Monday for Mr. Bush to sign the bill.

“We ask him again to listen to the American people and his own military experts,” Mr. Reid said on the Senate floor. “We ask that he finally summon the courage to admit his mistakes and take the steps we propose to begin to heal the grave wounds he has caused.”
For those of you who have lost count of the wounds:
3,351 dead American soldiers
26,188 "non-mortal" casualties
655,000 Iraqi civilian deaths