The Mets Take Out The Trash

The NY Mets finally got rid of pitcher Kris Benson, his overpriced $7.5million salary, his disappointing 4.13 E.R.A., his lackluster 10-8 record and, perhaps, most importantly, his embarrassment of a wife, Anna Benson. Oh sure, some of the things she said when her husband first became a Met were entertaining (if not completely inappropriate):

"I told him [Kris] -- because that's the biggest thing in athletics, they cheat all the time -- I told him, cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I'm going to screw everybody on your entire team -- coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team.”

But you've got to believe her big, stupid mouth is ultimately what caused the Mets to dump Benson. Here she is accusing the Mets of wanting to trade her husband because she was negotiating to pose in Playboy:

"How are they going to sit there and say it's so controversial when they sign someone like (recent Mets acquisition Carlos) Delgado, who turns his back on our flag?" Anna Benson said. (Editor: Delgado refuses to stand for the traditional singing of "God Bless America" in protest of U.S. foreign policy)

"Playboy is all-American. Everyone from Marilyn Monroe to Cindy Crawford has posed," fumed Benson, who once posed topless for Penthouse. "They didn't turn their back on the flag."

"Be liberal or not," Anna Benson said, comparing the Mets' disregard of Delgado's reputation with their concern for hers.

Anna previously was quoted as saying, "We would never, ever have signed with New York if they had said they were going to trade us." WE? I'm sorry, but while I'm a firm believer in husbands and wives having equal say in every major life decision, especially when it comes to job relocation for either spouse, the bottom line is that the NY Mets did not sign Anna Benson.


Lest you think I'm being too harsh on Anna, here's some of her thoughtful prose:

Dear Mr. (Michael) Moore,

I honestly have to tell you... I hate your fucking guts. Forget about how un-American you are, how politically retarded you are, or how fat you look while slobbering your political garbage all over everyone mainly , I despise you for the fact that you make money off of influencing the young minds of America to be Bush-haters. Personally, I do not agree with some of the President's decisions; however, I am wise enough to blame our entire country for poor decisions. We voted him in. Twice. I am also deferential enough toward our country not to make public remarks about our CIC because I have respect for him; I respect authority and do not lay blame on one man's head. I felt your, "Bowling for Columbine," to be in poor taste just like the way you live your life. Let's look at you for a moment... you, an overweight, sloppy man, who points his fat little finger at everyone else all the time and makes money from American tragedy. What have you done for America except to drag it down with your inaccurate portrayal of our government? You, a big-mouth waste that uses his "movie" making to influence uneducated America. You are not a politician, but you should be with the diarrhea of inaccurate information and sensationalism that spews from those lips, but, then again, that is just like a "movie" maker does.

You are a pariah to our nation... the fat kid who got beat up by the jocks at school, and this has formulated your hatred of America. If I didn't know any better, I would think that George W. himself went to school with you and kicked the shit out of your pie-hole everyday for being such a candy-ass. If you are so passionate about politics, use some of your blood-making money to make it a better place instead of making movies that only benefit your fat-ass fanny-pack. No one likes to see Hollywood try to engage our minds with their ridiculous and one-sided political rants during award ceremonies. Your "movies" are just a façade hiding your own political agenda, which, by the way, is fucking warped. Have you ever been diplomatic and unbiased in your "reporting" of our national disgraces? No, and you know it. You are a selfish, pathetic excuse for an American, and you can take your big, fat ass over to Iraq and get your pig head cut off and stuck on a pig pole. Then, you can have your equally as fat wife make a documentary about how loudly you squealed while terrorists were cutting through all the blubber and chins to get that 40 pound head off of you. I dare you to go to Iraq and diarrhea all over our soldiers; they would love to strip you naked in the streets and leave you so that the terrorists can pick you up and dispose of you the way terrorists do. If you believe that Iraq and Al-Qaeda were not together, go over there and see for yourself. The only reason you were and are against this war is because you are too much of a waste to fight for your rights as an American and to punish those responsible along with their allies. I bet the people of Iraq are very happy to be liberated from a man who is a criminal and was a detriment to the World - not just the USA. Ask them if they are happy to be liberated. Furthermore, Iraq got what they deserved when they refused to allow UN inspections...

You should be charged with treason and scorned for being anti-American. You look me in the eyes and tell me that the families of 9/11 don't deserve vengeance from these terrorists who will never stop trying to destroy us. What? Are we supposed to turn the other cheek on an attack like that? Fuck you. It doesn't matter how much money we put into health care when these Muslim radicals will stop at nothing to kill Jews and Christians. I think that if they succeed in their mission, health care is irrelevant. I hope that you take this letter, with your thousands of other hate letters, and use it to preach about wasting trees so that you can go hug them while the rest of the country is riding out this storm. We are Americans. We are fighting a war. And if you don't want to be a part of it, take yourself on your little, private jet to France and drown with those pussies in their wine while living next door to terrorists. You are a terrorist of your own kind with your mediocre film career. I think of you as a bigmouth who has lots to say without ever getting your chubby little hands dirty by actually making a difference... a bigmouth who only makes money from exploiting America. I guess you do have one quality that I like: the ability to make educated Americans distinguish between a "movie" and facts.

Regards,
Anna Benson