Pope Death Watch 2005

Watching the endless cable news coverage of the Pope's "I'm Not Dead Yet" moment in the spotlight, I was reminded of the time I was dating an Irish Catholic girl in high school. The year was 1978: Pope Paul VI had recently died and was replaced by Pope John Paul 1. My girlfriend and I went back to her house one day after school and her Mom told us the Pope had died. And my girlfriend responded, "Again?" (insert rimshot here) Mom was none too pleased.

I also remember being thankful that John Paul was replaced by another John Paul, allowing me to continue telling a joke based on the, then, feverish rumors of a Beatles' reunion. The joke went something like this:

Ever since Lorne Michaels failed to get The Beatles to re-unite on Saturday Night Live for $3,000 the world has been hoping for someone more powerful to step forward and forge this long-awaited reunion. Well, our prayers have been answered: In a bid for world peace, the Pope has announced that he has successfully convinced The Beatles to re-unite and, in an even bigger surprise, the Pope himself would be joining them. Henceforth, The Beatles will be known as John Paul, John, Paul, George & Ringo. (insert second rimshot here)

Now some of you may think I'm being disrespectful of the Pope. After all, he is a dying man. But answer me this: How many people died of AIDs because of the Pope's condemnation of condoms? I say screw him. But then again, I'm just sayin'...