February 27, 2009

 

Polite or Alien?




This is your mother...

 

I'm Just Froggin' Sayin'




Keeping the new policy alive...

February 26, 2009

 

Glenn Beck Admits He Only Has Two Brain Cells


...and he inhaled. AND he's a recovering alcoholic. I knew there was a simple explanation for his simple brain:


 

This Made Me Smile (Yes, I Am Capable)


When I purchased (yes, purchased) the most recent Elvis Costello album, Momufuku, last spring, I noticed in the credits that in addition to Attractions/Imposters drummer Pete Thomas there was an additional drummer, one Tennessee Thomas. Not intentionally being sexist, I assumed Tennessee was Pete's son (Tennessee just sounded more like a boy's name to me).

Well, I now stand corrected. On a recent episode of Elvis' chat/music show Spectacle, Tennessee joined her dad on drums and together they did the Ringo Starr-Jim Keltner Concert for Bangladesh double-drumming thang:



I had a huge grin on my face watching father and daughter the entire show. Here are a few clips:






 

For those of you wondering how Wahoo & Steve are getting along these days...


...this pretty much sums it up (in this video, the role of Steve will be played by a rabbit and in reality the bed would in fact belong to Wahoo):



But seriously folks, sometimes Wahoo & Steve make nice:



Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

 

Clean Coal Clean!




(Directed by the Coen Brothers)

 

Jimmy Fallon = Fail


Jimmy Fallon is so bad, he can even make Jack McBrayer unfunny:



Jimmy's wall-eyes are freaking me out. Who wants to look at that five nights a week? Didn't he learn to read cue cards when he was on SNL?

Pull the plug now NBC, before it's too late.

February 25, 2009

 

Kenneth the Page Delivers the Republican Response


bobby/kenneth
(courtesy of The Daily What)



and Rachel Maddow is speechless:



Palin-Jindal 2012 Baby!

Meanwhile, PRESIDENT Obama rocked the house:


February 24, 2009

 

The Poster Boy for ODS (Obama Derangement Syndrome)


If you're looking for proof that the right-wing fringe is being driven bonkers by President Obama, look no further than CNBC's Rick Santelli. In a thinly veiled racist rant seen by over 700,000 YouTubers (that's a lot of masturbating for Michelle Malkin), Santelli whined and moaned and screamed and shouted about the irresponsible "losers" who would be saved from foreclosure by Obama's housing plan:



Santelli along with his self-proclaimed "statistical cross-section of America" (um, the cheering day traders surrounding Santelli on the floor*), all have neglected to mention the irresponsibility of the predatory lenders who "got cash rebates to put people in crappy, high-interest mortgages, (who) hid (the) terms of the agreement and denied disclosure, and that all of those hardworking folks are seeing their property values plummet as a result of millions of foreclosed homes glutting the market." Also missing from the rant: The infamous Bush Administration slogan of his first four years as president, The Ownership Society (how'd that work out, George?).



Never mind all of that. The right-wingers have lapped up this rant like it was mother's milk, even going so far as to suggest a Palin-Santelli ticket for 2012 (how great would that be for America: All Hate, All the Time).

But the true test of someone who is clearly being driven insane is when you start seeing the paranoia setting in. Santelli exposed his paranoia on no other than Republican ex-con G. Gordon Liddy's radio show, telling all three listeners
SANTELLI: He started that press conference saying, "I don't know where he lives, I don't know where his house is." This is the Press Secretary of the White House. Is that the kind of thing we want? Is that --

LIDDY: It's a veiled threat.

SANTELLI: It really is. [...] I don't really want to be a spokesman, but I really am very proud of a) the response I'm getting, which is overwhelmingly positive, and b) discourse, that is debate. That if the pressure and the heat I'm taking from the White House - the fact my kids are nervous to go to school - I can take that, okay.
Wow, what a brave, little man. Fact is, the White House Press Secretary said nothing of the kind. Let's go to the videotape:

"I'm not entirely sure where Mr. Santelli lives or in what house he lives," Gibbs said during the daily briefing. "But the American people are struggling every day to meet their mortgage, stay in their jobs, pay their bills to send their kids to school, and to hope that they don't get sick or somebody they care for gets sick that sends them into bankruptcy. I think we left a few months ago the adage that if it was good for a derivatives trader, that it was good for main street. I think the verdict is in on that."

Ouch. But from there it got almost more personal. Gibbs picked up a hard copy of the housing plan from the briefing room lectern and implored Santelli to "download it, hit print and begin to read it." Gibbs added: "I would be more than happy to have him come here and read it. I'd be happy to buy him a cup of coffee, decaf." The press in the room laughed.
Oh noes, the press room laughed at Santelli's expense. Quick, call Sarah Palin! She was right. There truly is a media conspiracy against "real Americans" like Santelli and herself.

Yep, it's conspiracy against paranoid morons.


*UPDATE: Check out this NotReallySafeForWork cross-section of America:



More like a cross-section of frat boys.

 

Life Imitates Art Imitating Life




Good thing the older Academy members most likely never even heard of Ricky Gervais or we would have been watching yet another Meryl Streep acceptance speech Monday night.

(via freakgirl)

February 23, 2009

 

Worst Oscars Ever?


Clearly that was three hours of our lives that we'll never get back. Hugh Jackman's opening number was fine (great job Anne Hathaway), but it was more or less completely downhill from there (the only bright spot being Tina Fey and Steve Martin).

The day before, my wife and watched the Independent Spirit Awards. More fun, certainly more spirited, less pretentious and definitely more f-bombs:



Plus they beat Ben Stiller to the punch by over 24 hours:


February 19, 2009

 

...And The Fact That He's A Total Dick


Stooge
Muntadher al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist on trial for throwing his shoes last year at then-President George W. Bush, said the former American leader's "bloodless and soulless smile" and his joking banter provoked him.

(snip)

"I could only see Bush and feel the blood of the innocents flow under his feet, as he was smiling that smile -- as if he had come to bid farewell to Iraq and with the last support and more than 1 million martyrs," al-Zaidi said. "At that moment, I felt this is the man who killed our nation ... the main murderer and the main person responsible for killing our nation."


TV reporter Muntadhar al-Zaidi, shown in a file photo, appeared in court to loud applause and cheers.


Speaking in his first public appearance since his arrest two months ago, al-Zaidi told the court he "got emotional and threw the shoe at him" and "the second one was involuntary."

"I had no intention to kill the commander of the occupying forces ... even if I had a weapon ... I was expressing my inner feelings and those of all the Iraqi people from east to west and north to south and the feelings of hatred they hold for him," he said.

Al-Zaidi told the judge that he had intended to humiliate Bush in the past. As Bush listed the gains made in Iraq during the mid-December news conference, al-Zaidi said he was thinking about the millions of civilians who had been killed, widowed or displaced. He talked about the sanctity of mosques being violated, the rape of women and daily humiliations.

"I don't know what accomplishments he was talking about. The accomplishments I could see were the more than 1 million martyrs and a sea of blood," al-Zaidi said. "There are more than 5 million Iraqi orphans because of the occupation. ... More than a million widows and more than 3 million displaced because of the occupation.
Muntadher al-Zaidi, we salute you.


 

The Last of Shea




I had some good times at that big lunk of a ballpark. Jumping up and down and hugging my Dad after Lenny Dykstra nailed a walkoff homerun to beat the Astros in Game 3 of the 1986 NLCS. Game 7 of the '86 World Series. Endy Chávez' catch in Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS (almost made me forget the loss).

Still, I'm looking forward to Taxpayers Park Citi Field. Time to create some new (hopefully good) memories.

February 18, 2009

 

Stupid? Yes. But Go Ahead, Try Not To Laugh:



February 17, 2009

 

Oops: Bristol Palin States the Obvious


I bet mommy's really mad about this:


February 16, 2009

 

It's Just a Joke!




I don't feel guilty at all for posting this since the "punchline" was once incredibly and unnecessarily rude to yours truly. Not someone I'd call a professional. Just sayin'...

 

After 20 Years (!), The Simpsons Gets A New Show Open




Silly but still funny. Especially love the variation on the ice cream cone joke, the Japanese Homer Simpson detergent and the unibrow baby.

 

Expect a Christian Bale or David After the Dentist Mashup Any Minute Now


This YouTube video of a Chinese woman losing her shit after missing a flight has 600,000 hits and counting. Her family must be so proud:


 

The Biggest (Sore) Loser




"Maverick" John McCain is toeing the Republican party line and telling anyone who still wants to listen to a cranky old man that the stimulus bill amounts to "generational theft". You wanna talk about generational theft dipshit? How 'bout the $3 trillion + we're ultimately going to spend on the Iraq war? Or how about the true generational theft of the children of the 4,245 fallen U.S. soldiers in Iraq. Their mothers and fathers can never be brought back by tax cuts.

February 14, 2009

 

Nice Jab, Mr. President


Our new prez rocks:

“In 1854, Lincoln was simply a Springfield Lawyer. He’d served just a single term in Congress. Possibly in his law office, his feet on a cluttered desk, his sons playing around him, his clothes a bit too small to fit his uncommon frame...maybe wondering if someone might call him up and ask him to be Commerce Secretary."
I love how much Barack enjoyed his own joke. Somehow, to me, it seemed endearing. When Bush laughed at his own jokes it seemed pathetic (mainly because his jokes were awful and rarely made any sense).

February 13, 2009

 

Everybody Dance Now!


This defies description:



(h/t Robert Popper)

 

"An Open Letter to President Obama About the Republicans (From a Former Republican)"


Wow (but not too surprising for those paying attention):
Dear President Obama: I know that from time to time you read Huffington Post because you've written for it. As a Huffington Post reader you'll know that no one on this web site has more faithfully supported your candidacy and now your presidency than me. As a former lifelong Republican, son of a co-founder of the Religious Right; my late evangelical leader father, Francis Schaeffer, I'm in a unique position to tell you a few things about the Republicans from inside perspective. (As you know I left that movement in the mid 1980s.)

The lack of cooperation you're getting from the Republican Party will continue. You were right to indulge in a little bit of tokenism when you had to Pastor Rick Warren pray at your inauguration. But if you think that the Republicans in Congress and the Senate are going to do more than their utmost to obstruct everything you are and what you stand for you're dreaming.

As someone who appeared numerous times on the 700 Club with Pat Robertson, as someone for whom Jerry Falwell used to send his private jet to bring me to speak at his college, as an author who had James Dobson giveaway 150,000 copies of my one of my fundamentalist "books" allow me to explain something: the Republican Party is controlled by two ideological groups. First, is the Religious Right. Second, are the neoconservatives. Both groups share one thing in common: they are driven by fear and paranoia. Between them there is no Republican "center" for you to appeal to, just two versions of hate-filled extremes.

The Religious Right supply the kind of people who at McCain and Palin rallies were yelling things such as "kill him" about you. That's the constituency to which your hand was extended when looking for compromise on your financial bailout bill.

There's only one thing that makes sense for you now. Mr. President, you need to forget a bipartisan approach and get on with the business of governing by winning each battle. You will never be able to work with the Republicans because they hate you. Believe me, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are the norm not the exception. James Dobson and the rest are praying for you to fail. The neoconservatives are gnashing their teeth and waiting for you to "sell out Israel" or "show weakness" in Afghanistan, whatever, so they can declare you a traitor.
Frank Schaeffer is the author of CRAZY FOR GOD-How I Grew Up As One Of The Elect, Helped Found The Religious Right, And Lived To Take All (Or Almost All) Of It Back.

Read the rest of the letter by clicking the link above.

 

Making Sadness Sadder




One of the victims of today's plane crash in Buffalo was Beverly Eckert, a 9/11 widow:
Speaking at an event at the White House, Obama said Friday that his prayers are with families and friends who lost loved ones. A Continental commuter plane crashed into a house in suburban Buffalo on Thursday night, killing all 49 people aboard and a person in the home.

One of the victims was Beverly Eckert, a Sept. 11 widow. She was just at the White House last week with Obama as part of a meeting he had with relatives of those killed in the 2001 attacks and the bombing of the USS Cole.

Obama said Eckert was an inspiration to him and he hopes her family finds comfort in the days ahead.
Condolences to the families of all the victims.

 

John Sununu: Total Tool


Former Republican Senator tries to defend the failed economic policies of his party. Result: Double Fail.



John Sunumnuts: "This is a trillion dollar stimulus bill. A trillion dollars."

Jon Stewart: "We spent $700 billion dollars in Iraq. Why can't we rebuild our country?"

February 12, 2009

 

Colbert shows us his guts (and rips apart "flaming ball of gas" Glenn Beck)


Another classic Colbert segment:


 

Joaquin Phoenix Finds The Perfect Venue For His Weirdness


Add this to the "great" Letterman appearances file (Crispin Glover, Andy Kaufman, Madonna, Farrah*):



Do more people still really prefer watching Leno over Letterman? Makes no sense to me. This whole "performance" would have died a miserable death on Leno.

*






 

TV Clowns


Just as scary as the clowns who show up for kids' birthday parties:


 

I'd Watch This Show Everyday


Congress tears bankers some new ones:


bankers
(Click to watch)

("courtesy" of Gawker)

February 11, 2009

 

This is the Best


Watch Julio Osegueda get stimulated:


 

Karma


David Vitter, the Louisiana Senator who back in '07 became embroiled in the "D.C. Madam Scandal" (code words for the guy who got caught having sex with hookers), was one of the most vocal opponents of the Stimulus Package (heh, heh):



He also, along with Senator Larry "Wide Stance" Craig, sponsored the Marriage Protection Act and has a history of selling himself as a "Family Values" Senator.

Well, America's favorite hypocrite is up for re-election in 2010 and it looks like he's already got some stiff competition. Meet "actress/dancer" Stormy Daniels:



This should be fun...

 

Almost Everything You Missed If You Watched "The Sopranos" on A & E


Theoretically, this should cover my blog's new policy until Spring:


the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.

Admittedly, this video is hard to watch after :15-:20 (and that's coming from someone who has an obvious affinity for "foul" language). But I guess it's better than the alternative:



Ultimately, what I want to know is who has the kind of free time that allows you to edit together every single cuss word in chronological order from all 86 episodes of a series? That would be director Victor Solomon. I guess business is slow...

February 10, 2009

 

"Get Out There and Do Something Creative with Your Lives"


Watch this guy paint, run and make a BLT without dropping an F-bomb (but this certainly qualifies as a WTF):



(h/t Robert Popper.com)

 

The Rude Pundit "Whiskey-Blogs" Our President's First Press Conference


Oddly, his report only contains 6 F-bombs. Some highlights:
(All quotes pretty much guaranteed to be inaccurate.)

8:01: And we're off. How odd not to see a President who hunches along like Slim Pickens after being kicked in the nuts.

8:02: How odd to hear a President tell us straight that shit's fucked up.

8:03: Calls the economic problem "a full-blown crisis." Now that's fear that's tangible, not the unprovable fear of "terrorists" bombing the mall.

8:05: Assures us that jobs will be created in the private sector, which is just a bullshit way of saying, "Don't fear the socialism. Fear the subcontractors."

8:07: Says that it's bipartisan, motherfuckers, even if Republicans in Congress have taken themselves out of the equation.

8:07: How odd to hear a President say that he's not sure something will work. All this honesty, calculated though it may be, is gonna take a long damn time to get used to.

8:08: Goddamn, Republicans must be shitting themselves. They pushed him into a corner until he had to bring out the rhetorical sword, and he's swinging it. Even if it's about a week too late.

8:09: The first question is already about trying to undermine his credibility. A question: why don't reporters act like this is just post-9/11? This is arguably a worse actual crisis, if not quite as spectacular. It's more like a tragedy directed by Ingmar Bergman, not Michael Bay. No, deference is not pretty. In any circumstance. But the stink of hypocrisy is as pronounced as a fart in an old elevator.

(snip)


8:33: How odd to hear the President refer to reporters by their actual names and not some schoolyard nickname.

8:37: How odd to hear the President with a grasp of facts and an ability to grapple with difficult economic ideas in words that don't sound like his chief of staff just pulled his string.

8:39: Nice question from Ed Henry on if transparency extends to the Bush-era ban on photos of flag-draped coffins of dead soldiers. As expected, Obama says it's under review.

8:42: He lays out a complex plan for how to save the Afghanistan conflict, involving military and diplomatic efforts.

8:45: Hey, wow, the Fox "news" guy asked a dickish and irrelevant question on whether or not Joe Biden was giving away some super-secret conclusions that the stimulus bill is not gonna work. And Obama laughs at him and then makes a point about the nature of actually trying to fix problems.

8:47: A-Rod question?
Ladies and Gentlemen, there's an adult in the White House (sadly there's still a bunch of whiny-ass Republican babies in the House and the Senate and there's some real children in the White House press pool: That A-Rod question was asked by some turd from The Washington Post).

 

Revised Policy:


Post as many F-words as possible per week. Here's a fave series of videos I meant to post a few weeks back:







Here's some context in case you have no idea who Gordon Ramsay is:



Quite the charmer, eh?

 

My New Policy:


At least one post a week has to contain the F-word (thanks Christian Bale!). This one contains more F-words than you can count:


Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

February 08, 2009

 

Just When I Thought I Was Done With The Christian Bale Mashups, They Pull Me Back In


The two hottest viral clips of the month combine to make one of the greatest mashups ever:



More David After the Dentist videos can be found here.

February 07, 2009

 

Headline of the Week


This is how The Huffington Post linked to this story:
Penis Photo Causes Walkouts At Will Ferrell's Show
People in this country are ridiculously hung up about the naked body.* It's just a penis for crying out loud (I've seen the show and it's a very non-threatening penis).

My favorite part of the article was this statement at the end:
The former president’s spokesman, Robert Saliterman, declined to comment on Friday when asked about the use of the photo.
I wonder how the reporter phrased the question to Saliterman (and did he or she really think Saliterman would provide an answer?).


* I do have limits, however. This made me throw up a little in my mouth:



Kathie Lee is a national obscenity.

February 06, 2009

 

Republicants




Thank you Jon. You know, for as long as I can remember, Republicans have been all about party over country. And it's no wonder since the majority of Republican "leaders" are rich, white men and their party's policies serve their interests best (Tax breaks! Drill baby drill!). And, I'm told most Republican "leaders" are also scumbags.

And speaking of scumbags, perhaps the biggest Republican scumbag of all-time, Dick Cheney, recently emerged from his man-size crypt to give us some startling information (information which leads us to the ultimate conclusion: Dick Cheney is a Terrorist):



Just die already Dick. Hell needs your brittle bones, putrid flesh and lame-ass heart.

UPDATE: Fuck the Republicans! (some fine writing, courtesy of Monkeyfister) and The Rude Pundit takes a good look at the actual stimulus numbers.

 

Don't Divorce Us, Ken F*ckin' Starr



"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

For more info, go here.

February 05, 2009

 

Staying Conscious Fail




I love how the guy at the end sits down. Chivalry is dead.

(h/t FAIL blog)

 

"No! Noooooo!"


The last word on the Christian Bale meltdown:


 

LMAO




(via the always Dependable Renegade)

February 04, 2009

 

Aretha Franklin's Hats of the Day








Many more can be found here.

(HAT tip List of the Day)

 

Bale vs. O'Reilly


Another classic:



I think I might have to change this blog's name to I'm Just Fuckin' Sayin'.

UPDATE: Here's the extended mix:


 

Christian Bale vs. Lily Tomlin


The internets are cranking out Christian Bale remixes and mashups faster than I can post them. This latest gem features Bale and some legendary outtakes from I Heart Huckabees:



Once again, soooooooNSFW.

February 03, 2009

 

It Only Hurts When I Laugh


Or stand. Or lie down. Or sit down. Or walk.

MRI

According to my MRI (see above. ewwwww), I have a "large superiorly extruded left paracentral and lateral recess disc herniation at the L4-5 level." In addition, there is "significant compression of the thecal sac and left L4 root before it exits under the pedicle of L4 as well as left L5 root in the lateral recess and disc space level."

In other words, it hurts like hell.

The only positive part is that it's fun to say thecal sac. Go on. Try it.

 

"What Don't You Fucking Understand?"


The Christian Bale Rant: The Remix



Brill.

(NSFW. Duh.)

 

A Message from College Republicans




(more hijinks at The Full Ginsburg)

 

"Is This Real Life?"


Kids, just say no to dental hygiene:



(h/t Videogum)

February 02, 2009

 

Wow! Batman's a Total Dick



Kermit & Bale
(Click to listen to Christian Bale lose his shit on the set of Terminator Salvation)

SooooooooNSFW

 

This Is Why He's Called "The Boss"






Isn't it interesting that Steve Van Zandt's two major professional gigs have involved working for the Boss?

 

Mushy Mush



(Yesterday's Super Bowl commercial highlight, according to freakgirl.)

Someone's got to hire this guy to read the phone book. He's G-E-N-I-U-S.

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