October 31, 2005

Gone Fishin' Drinkin'

Back on the 9th.

Some predictions for while I'm away:
- The White Sox will sweep the Astros and win their first World Series title in 88 years (I know, it sounds implausible but I'm gonna go out on a limb for this one)

- President Bush's approval rating will sink to -68%

- Hurley on ABC's LOST will not have dropped a single pound even though it's been two weeks since a new episode aired

- Ann Coulter's head will explode when she tries to wrap her head around the fact that it's her Republican heroes like Dick Cheney and Scooter Libby, not the Democrats, who have been committing treason

- Sean Hannity will make Alan Colmes clean up the mess

- There will be at least 10 more articles written by critics who can't stop wondering, "What the hell happened to Desperate Housewives?"

- Jessica and Nick will break up, get back together and live happily ever after just like the good lord and their publicists meant for them to do

- Judy Miller will call Maureen Dowd a "doody-head"

- I will not win the $165 million Mega Millions drawing on Tuesday

- President Bush's approval rating will sink to -89%

- Someone will foolishly forget to cancel his Times Select subscription before the free trial runs out

- Tom Cruise will, once again, make an ass of himself

- Katies Holmes will stand silently next to him and smile that creepy new smile of hers

- Patick Fitzgerald will continue to kick some serious Washington, D.C. ass...

- Homeland Security will raise the terror threat level to orange

- President Bush will nominate Judge Hatchett for the Supreme Court

- Freddy Ferrer will defeat New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg in a landslide...or maybe not
Let me know how I do...

October 28, 2005

The Scariest Video Ever!

Go here to watch it, then go here for the remix. Warning: Not for the timid.

Happy Halloween Weekend!

(Video courtesy of The Last Minute Blog)

"Today is an ominous day for the country, signifying a new low since Watergate in terms of openness and honesty in our government...

...This is far more than an indictment of an individual.

In effect it's an indictment of the vicious and devious tactics used by the Administration to justify a war we never should have fought. It's an indictment of the lengths Administration officials were willing to go to cover up their failed intelligence, their distortion on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, and their serious blunders on the war. It is an indictment of their vindictive efforts to discredit anyone who challenge their misrepresentations."
- Sen. Ted Kennedy

Obstruction of Justice, Perjury and Making False Statements

(Click to enlarge)

...and possibly more to come.

Are the crutches supposed to make us feel sorry for him?

Who Would've Guessed?

"Oh my," Sulu has come out of the closet. I've always wondered what the Vulcan hand sign signified...

October 27, 2005

That Would Explain It

onegoodmove points us to this fascinating fun fact:

Chimpanzees share many traits with humans but altruism, it seems, is not one of them, scientists said on Wednesday.

Although chimps live in social groups and co-operate and hunt together, when it comes to helping non-related group members, they don't put up with any monkey business.

When given the opportunity to help themselves and other chimps they often choose the selfish option.

Operation Truth

Operation Truth is America's first and largest nonprofit, non-partisan advocacy organization for veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.
Watch their new ad here.

The Bush Administration, Ver. 2.0

- 37-45% Job Approval Rating

- Fifty-three percent of Americans now say that getting U.S. soldiers home as soon as possible is more important than making sure "Iraq becomes a peaceful nation enjoying freedom and democracy."

- Only one in 10 Americans believe Bush administration officials did nothing illegal or unethical in connection with the leaking of a CIA operative's identity. (Indictments pending.)

- Harriet Miers withdraws her Supreme Court Nomination
Go here to watch this powerhouse of an administration in action (courtesy of spyndle.com).

October 26, 2005

"Hey Mister, Can We Have Our Ball Back?"

SnoodGuy (SnoodGuy?!?!?), a.k.a. Mr. Crankypants, thinks a lot of us on the left are acting all immature and whatnot about the possibility of Traitor-Gate indictments. Doesn't he realize that to be a liberal in this country means we haven't had anything to be happy about in approximately 5 years? And doesn't he realize that behind the smiles and "Fitzmas" jokes we realize that it's the soul of our country that's at stake here? My only real concern is that we're setting ourselves up for some major league disappointment.

...just sayin'.

Somebody Took Some Cool Pills Over At U.N.I.C.E.F.

First Bjork released a U.N.I.C.E.F. benefit CD entirely composed of "Army of Me" remixes submitted by fans and now comes Beck, Arcade Fire, Karen O (Yeah Yeah Yeahs), a hilarious David Cross and many others with a truly bizarre benefit E.P., supposedly created by and for the NAHPI (North American Halloween Prevention Initiative):

Go here to listen, buy and/or watch the music video.

This Is Why I Hate The Right

The implication of this front page piece of presidential water-carrying is, "Anybody who talks about 2000 U.S. soldiers dying in Iraq (2001, as of today) in any terms other than 'They Are Heroes' is dishonoring our troops and is an obvious traitor to the red, white and blue." God forbid we talk about these soldiers dying in a war of choice, based on lies and politics. We wouldn't want these men and women to have died in vain now, would we? Therefore, the right continues to think we should just keep on sending our under-equipped sitting targets to their horrible, early graves in order to preserve some sort of twisted "heroic" ideal. "Stay the course, blah, blah"...Oh, fuck off.

This would have been a much more appropriate front page...

...if, of course, the Pentagon would allow anymore of these pictures to be released to the media.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

The 1963 red leather-bound yearbook from Hillcrest High School described (Harriet) Miers, then a 17-year-old senior in a class of 420, as "efficient, sweet and sincere, good at sports from what we hear"...

"She was driven even then, determined to hit as many balls as close to the sweet spot on her racket as she could," (childhood friend Tom Uhler) wrote.

Better Late Than Never

"The country and the Congress were misled into war. I regret that we were not given the truth; as I said more than a year ago, knowing what we know now, I would not have gone to war in Iraq. And knowing now the full measure of the Bush Administration’s duplicity and incompetence, I doubt there are many members of Congress who would give them the authority they abused so badly. I know I would not."
Excerpt from John Kerry's Iraq speech at Georgetown University

Jon Stewart Shoots Fish In A Barrel With Bill Kristol

or "Pop Goes the Weasel, Pt. Deux"

Click here.

October 25, 2005


(but please pardon the all-caps and the exclamation point)

Rep. John Conyers has written a letter to the Preznit demanding that there be no pardons for Treasongate. Go here to add your signature to the letter.

"I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb... I'm smart and I want respect! "*

Methinks the son is losing his grip.

*Fredo Corleone, The Godfather II

Congratulations George!

You've hit the 2000 Dead American Soldiers Milestone:
Iraq's constitution has been adopted despite stiff opposition from the country's disaffected Sunni Arab minority...

Meanwhile, the US death toll in Iraq reportedly hit 2000 amid a series of shootings and bombings which killed at least 14 Iraqis across the country today.
The US network CNN, quoting Pentagon sources, reported that the number of soldiers killed since the March 2003 invasion of Iraq had reached 2,000 with the deaths of two more soldiers, a toll likely to add pressure on the US administration over its role in the violence-wracked country.

For the first time, a majority of Americans believe the Iraq war was the 'wrong thing to do', according to a poll published in The Wall Street Journal.
Ya think?

October 24, 2005

Citizen Hackett

If at first you don't succeed, run for Senate:
Paul Hackett, a Democratic veteran of the Iraq war who narrowly lost a special election in a heavily Republican congressional district in August, made his official entry into a U.S. Senate race MondayMonday.

He faces a tough Democratic primary with Rep. Sherrod Brown in the race for the nomination to challenge second-term Republican incumbent Sen. Mike DeWine next year.

Hackett's only political experience is a stint as a small-city councilman.

"I think the obvious difference between myself and Sherrod Brown and Mike DeWine (is) I'm not a career politician. At best, I'm a citizen legislator," Hackett said.

"Who Are These People?"

The music is embarassing but the lyrics ring true:
This stupid mess we're in just keeps getting worse

So many people dying needlessly

Looks like the liars may inherit the earth

Even pretending to pray and getting away with it.
Go here to listen to a sample of "Who Are These People", the latest Burt Bacharach/Elvis Costello collaboration.

Nice To See This On The Wire

From the AP:
It began with a clumsy forgery, led the president to backtrack on his own State of the Union address, already has sent one person to jail and has ruined another's career as a covert operative.

The cast of characters in this latest tale of Washington intrigue — the CIA leak investigation — keeps growing as a federal prosecutor tries to sort out who told what to whom and whether any of it was a crime.

Those caught up in the maelstrom include a power couple with a big secret, a duo of no-longer-anonymous Bush administration officials and a constellation of media heavyweights with secrets, too. It runs the spectrum from the biggest of big fish, President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney, to the merest of minnows, White House functionaries.
The whole article does a pretty decent job of compiling most of the pertinent facts surrounding Plamegate. Feel free to send it to any contemporary Republicans you might happen to know.

"Why are contemporary Republicans so full of shit?"

Today in The Huffington Post, Alec Baldwin asks the question the mainstream media is afraid to touch. (Alec has a bat and he blogs and he's not afraid to use either to make a point)

October 23, 2005

And You Thought Douglas Feith Was Stupid

Mack Daddy

Meet Connie Mack, chairman of President Bush's tax-reform panel:
Q: Well, the U.S. government has to get money from somewhere. As a two-term former Republican senator from Florida, where do you suggest we get money from?

What money?

The money to run this country.

We'll borrow it.

I never understand where all this money comes from. When the president says we need another $200 billion for Katrina repairs, does he just go and borrow it from the Saudis?

In a sense, we do. Maybe the Chinese.

Is that fair to our children? If we keep borrowing at this level, won't the Arabs or the Chinese eventually own this country?

I am not worried about that. We are a huge country producing enormous assets day in and day out. We have great strength, and we have always adjusted to difficulties that faced us, and we will continue to do so.

Hell Michelle, I'm Gonna Party Like It's 1999

Party Girl

The always idiotic Michelle Malkin thinks "the ghouls on the left" are going to party when the death toll in Iraq hits 2000. Apparently these wild parties will include "candlelight vigils, reading the names of the dead, creating a community memorial to the fallen"...or optional all-night keggers.

Amen, Brother

Sayeth Digby:
Fitzgerald's probe may focus on the Valerie Plame leak and it may only touch upon the larger issues peripherally. But it is the hook, the opening, that allows the media to revisit the run-up to the war and correct the jingoistic cheerleading they called journalism for the first two years after 9/11. It means that there is a second chance for the American public to learn the truth of what really happened then, outside the manufactured hysteria that engulfed the culture for the last three years.
Let's hope...

October 21, 2005

Image courtesy of the most-excellent firedoglake.

October 19, 2005

I pledge to only support candidates who:

1. Acknowledge that the U.S. was misled into the war in Iraq
2. Advocate for a responsible exit plan with a timeline
3. Support our troops at home and abroad


Very Reassuring Condi. Well done!

"Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on Wednesday refused to rule out U.S. troops still being in Iraq in 10 years or the possibility that the United States could use military force against neighboring Syria and Iran...

Testifying before the committee for the first time since February, Rice sought to reassure jittery members of Congress that the Bush administration had a plan for success: helping Iraqis clear out insurgents and build durable, national institutions."

Apparently at this point, the still-jittery Senators left the building, unable to listen to any more of her bullshit.

How To Dismantle An Atomic Career

Release a lame album (seriously, was there anything worth listening to on the last disc besides the iPod song?); have lunch with the lamest president ever:
"In town for a concert, U2 rock star Bono was invited to lunch Wednesday with the president. White House press secretary Scott McClellan said the meeting at the executive residence would be a follow-up on talks he had with President Bush in July at the G-8 summit in Scotland...The spokesman laughingly told reporters that Bush was not planning to attend the concert."

Stop it Scottie...you're killing me with the one-liners.

Warrants, Indictments & Bears, Oh My!


Surrender Tom. The jig is up.

Now, who's gonna be next? Scooter? Turd Blossom? Dick? W? (must...remember...not...to gloat...until...the actual...indictments...come down)

October 18, 2005

But What About Those Who Voted For The Whole Package?

Rumors are flying about the possibility of the Great Dick resigning, setting up Condi to take his place.
Said a Bush associate of the rumor, "Yes. This is not good."
Oh, really? I think it's absolutely fan-tas-tic.

Ono They Didn't*

From Salon's The Fix:
At the Q music awards in London last week, Yoko Ono seemed to take an odd swipe at Paul McCartney, recounting a story about the time hubby John Lennon asked her why "they always cover Paul's songs and never mine." "I said, 'You're a good songwriter, it's not June with Spoon that you write," Ono said, referring to a McCartney rhyme. "'You're a good singer and most musicians are probably a little bit nervous about covering your songs.'"

Now Paul has fired back, in a typically understated way: "I don't think she's the brightest of buttons. I don't want to get in a bun fight but she's said some particularly daft things in her time." Trying hard not to say anything unduly nasty, he confined himself to, "Yoko is something else. Her life is dedicated to putting me down, that's what she seems to do all the time. But she will notice that I attempt very strongly not to put her down, I have respect for her as my former comrade's wife."

*Headline admittedly stolen from a source I can no longer find. Damn it's good.

Joke of the Day:

Ashlee Simpson has a new album out. It's called "I Am Me."

I'm sorry but that one just cracks me up every single time I hear it.

October 17, 2005

The Guy Who Said "F*ck" on SNL Has Commited Suicide

Charles Rocket, a comedian and actor who appeared on "Saturday Night Live" and had roles in a variety of movies and television series, committed suicide, the state medical examiner has ruled.

Rocket, 56, whose real name was Charles Calervie, was found dead in a field near his home in Canterbury on Oct 7. His throat had been cut, the medical examiner said.

...Rocket was a cast member on NBC's "Saturday Night Live" during the 1980-81 season. He gained notoriety when he was fired from SNL for swearing on the air.
Thanks to the internets, I was able to surf and find the exact quote that got Charles fired:
On the February 26, 1981 show Charles Rocket, playing J.R. Ewing, said clearly, "Oh man, it's the first time I've been shot in my life. I'd like to know who the fuck did it."
The same website had tons of other fun facts about the word fuck, including this useful tidbit:
Because of its profane status and versatility, the word "fuck" can be used many times in an English sentence. For example,
"Fucking fuck those fucking fuckers!" ("Forget about those very disliked people.")

"Fucking fucker's fucking fucked!" ("It is broken.")
For more, go here.

Rocket also appeared in one of my all-time favorite TV shows, Max Headroom as well as Moonlighting, Dumb and Dumber and Dances with Wolves. Rest in peace, dude.

Judith Miller: Then and Now

"You know what," she offered angrily. "I was proved fucking right. That's what happened. People who disagreed with me were saying, 'There she goes again.' But I was proved fucking right."
- salon.com, May 27, 2004

"W.M.D. - I got it totally wrong," she said. "The analysts, the experts and the journalists who covered them - we were all wrong. If your sources are wrong, you are wrong. I did the best job that I could."
- The New York Times, October 16, 2005

Flora Bush: The Child Left Behind

Flora Bush, the third Bush "twin", comes out of hiding. Great concept. Too bad the song's lame. Still, worth watching.

October 16, 2005

The "Great" Reporter

Judith Miller pulls a "Reagan" in today's New York Times:

"Mr. Fitzgerald asked me about another entry in my notebook, where I had written the words "Valerie Flame," clearly a reference to Ms. Plame. Mr. Fitzgerald wanted to know whether the entry was based on my conversations with Mr. Libby. I said I didn't think so. I said I believed the information came from another source, whom I could not recall.

Mr. Fitzgerald asked if I could recall discussing the Wilson-Plame connection with other sources. I said I had, though I could not recall any by name or when those conversations occurred."

October 14, 2005

Squirm Karl, Squirm

Rove would not comment after spending 4 1/2 hours at the federal courthouse...Prosecutors told Rove before he testified they could not guarantee that he would not be indicted over the leak.

Vote For Your Ruler

"When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn't know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote."

- General Zod

I'm now completely torn between Zod and Christopher Walken. To learn more about General Zod 2008, go to zod2008.com.

Puppy Love

This is one of the saddest/funniest things I've ever seen (click the card for the full size version and/or go to The Smoking Gun).

"Hey, Do I Look Taller on TV?"

An apparent hologram of George Bush pretends to have a real conversation with actual soldiers in Iraq. I feel so sorry for those poor soldiers. They've been risking their lives for lies and now they've allowed themselves to become bigger pawns in the lie machine.

October 12, 2005

Good News!

They found the world's oldest noodles!

They're about 4,000 years old. Yum!

The Funniest (Fictional) Show on TV

It's not Arr"eh"sted Development:
Sure, it's a funny show but I think it might have already peaked last year. Everyone feels like they're trying too hard this season and the stunt casting is starting to feel desperate. While replacing Henry "Fonzie" Winkler with Scott "Chachi" Baio is inspired, we're still talking Scott Baio here. However, Baio's TV name is perhaps the funniest character name in the history of television: Bob Loblaw.
It's not D"eh"sperate Housewives:
Listen folks, this show is not a comedy. It is an occassionally fun soap opera that doesn't take itself too seriously. There are more laughs in an average episode of Boston Legal then there were in the entire first season of DH, yet BL is considered a drama by Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.
It's not My Name Is "Eh"arl:
This show is not without it's charms but after a few episodes the "gentle prodding" of the White Trash lifestyle is beginning to wear thin.
It's not "Eh"xtras:
As much as I love Ricky Gervais, a half-hour with only a couple of laughs and a guest star acting out of character does not a classic comedy make.
It's not "Eh"verybody Hates Chris:
Actually I haven't seen this show yet but it can't be as good as the hype.

(Drumroll please)

Two and a Half Men WEEDS.

Yes, it's true: Showtime actually has a show that's better than anything currently on network TV or HBO. The show is smart, LOL funny, well-acted across the board and completely fearless. Mary Louise Parker is brilliant (she can do more with just a few muscles in her face than most actors can do with their entire bodies) and as good as she is, Elizabeth Perkins is even better. The kids are fantastic, usually a weak link in any show (Meadow and Anthony spring to mind) and -- get ready for this -- if you watch this show I guarantee you'll say something that you'd never ever thought could come out of your mouth:

"Kevin Nealon is hilarious."

If you have Showtime, I suggest you go to OnDemand and watch all ten episodes of the first season. If you don't have Showtime, ask a friend to tape them for you. Or you can wait for the inevitable DVD. In the meantime, might I suggest you watch this clip, courtesy of onegoodmove. Not only is the clip extremely political (Bush is called a "war criminal") but it also illustrates my point about Kevin Nealon. Enjoy.

Wouldn't It Be Nice...

if all 21 members of the White House staff listed here went down, including El Presidente?

October 11, 2005

October 10, 2005

Recall Arnold

From the NY Times:
Until recently, Dr. Kenneth Matsumura's most notable achievement was inventing an artificial liver that makes use of live rabbit cells suspended in solution. He says he also has a patent on a wristwatch that sounds an alarm before the wearer has a heart attack.

But on Friday, Dr. Matsumura showed up at Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's office in Sacramento and delivered a formal notice of a recall against the governor. Now Dr. Matsumura, a 60-year-old physician from Berkeley, is being depicted as the Terminator's terminator among Mr. Schwarzenegger's partisan detractors.
The good doctor needs to collect about one million signatures in 160 days. The Gray Davis recall cost $2 million, paid for largely by millionaire Darrell Issa. By contrast, Dr. Matsumura is taking the grass-roots route. He's looking for volunteers. You can go to savecalnow.com to find out how you can help.

A Scrap for Mets Fans

The Houston Astros won the longest playoff game in major league history on Sunday, sending Larry "Chipper" Jones and the Atlanta Braves packing. Somewhere, Mr. Met is smiling (then again, it's physically impossible for Mr. Met not to smile).